


I'm Not Okay With This (Me Either)

by greyskies261



Category: I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Anyways, Biphobia, F/M, Homophobia, Mention of eating disorder, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, cute asf i promise, if any of that is triggering to u pls dont read, stanley x oc, triggering topics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29615736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyskies261/pseuds/greyskies261
Summary: Basically, during everything that goes down in season one, a new girl moves into town. She's not prominent in their story until where we left off after season one. She's kind of... odd. Peculiar, if you will. A bit shy, but strange nonetheless. She seems to get along with Stanley, as well as Sydney and Dina. But when they find out her secret, will she be accepted, or deemed an outcast? Little does she know, she's not all that different from Syd.anyways this story was self indulgent asf, and re reading it is so cringe so idk why im reposting it. the entire thing is cringe i swearrrr anyways continue at ur own risk bb
Relationships: Dina & Sydney Novak, Stanley Barber/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. That Was Then

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so these are going to take me a while. I can't copy and paste so I'll be retyping literally all the chapters lmao. there might be intentional small changes in it, fixing plotholes, etc. so if you'd be so inclined as to re read it, that'd be great. also, just in case you guys dont know, IANOWT got fucking CANCELLED and i am super pissed. I have been filled with the strength of a thousand twelve year old white boys who drink monster energy and i have only ONE DESiRE: to punch a hole in drywall. Thats all. ENJOY

It was beyond irritating. Being known as the new kid at school can be a difficult thing for anyone, especially if you're introvert who has social anxiety. Lee Leighton Richards was new to Westingtonhouse High School.

No friends, nobody but her and her mother, Laura. 'A fresh start', her mother had called it. Bullshit. In Lee's mind, there was nothing fresh about this town. Brownsville? What kind of fuckin' name was that? This town single handedly the most boring place she had ever been.

Until it wasn't.

She moved in about a week before homecoming. Certainly she would not find a date in time for Homecoming, and that was perfectly fine by her. She had a pretty severe case of social anxiety, so a crowded room with a bunch of sweating teenagers wasn't really her scene. She preferred to stay at home with her earbuds in, letting the beat of the music pound into her eardrums at full volume. "You're going to damage your ears, Lee. Turn the volume down," she imagined her mother telling her. Imagined, because her mother was nearly completely absent in her life; save for the occasional beating.

She had a tough life. She never really knew who her father was; her uncle was the closest thing she'd ever get to a "proper" parent. He taught her all sorts of things. Useful things. 

Lee had an interest in cars from a young age. Luckily for her, her Uncle Thomas was a mechanic, though the interest most likely stemmed from him. He taught her how to jump a car, how to scuff out scratches, how to fix headlights, taillights, bumpers; you name it. Now he was gone, and instead of grieving like a normal person, her mother decided to move from New York back to Pennsylvania, where Lee was born.

Lee didn't mind leaving; she didn't have many friends anyway. New York kids were always too abrasive for her sensitive self. The ones Lee had managed to get close with turned out to be backstabbing assholes. She decided she was okay with the idea of moving when she found out the graffiti on the bathroom stall was written by them. The words all over the restroom stall wall's read things like "Lee Richards is a fucking faggot" as well as "Ew Lee's a dyke" and, her favorite, "Lee Richards is a fucking queer, kill yourself". The crazy thing was, she wasn't even a lesbian. She was bisexual, which is a very different thing.

You might be surprised that Lee never told her mother. Just kidding. She didn't speak unless spoken to. Her mother raised her with the phrase "Children should be seen, not heard." While Lee understood her mother's irritation with her (and children in general), she tried to not let it get to her. She'd bottle up her feelings and store them away for later. She always tried not to cry, to be "tough". But that usually doesn't work, so she developed... other coping mechanisms.

Some people would call it dangerous or attention-seeking, Lee called it "handling it". You see, when she let her emotions build up, she became a flaming ball of indignation. She would do her best not to lose her cool, but she was overly sensitive and bottling up her emotions wasn't doing her any favors. When she got to a certain point where she was overwhelmed with emotion, feeling as though she could explode and given moment, she would cut. And cut. And cut.

It was an unhealthy habit, an addiction, if you will.

It temporarily relieved her of her stress and anxieties and let her anger seep out as she watched the blood trickle down her forearm. When she did it, a weight seemingly lifted off her shoulders. Afterwards, she's use a wet towel to clean her wrist, dabbing it gently. She didn't bother with long sleeves; she'd bandage her arms and continued about her business. Not like her mom would ask. Laura Richards didn't give a fuck about her own daughter.

Her mother was just waiting for Lee's eighteenth birthday to roll around. Maybe she resented Lee because her father left after he found out she was pregnant. Her mother was left pregnant, without a husband, or a father for the baby. Now she was a single mom, just making ends meet. It made sense to Lee as to why her mother would resent her. Lee didn't have a very high self esteem, so that could've contributed to how easily she believed her mother hated her guts.

It wasn't Lee's fault; if it were up to her, she would've never been born and still be happier not existing than she was now. Her mother was easily frustrated at seemingly every minute of the day. It just seemed like Lee could never do the right thing. As a child, she was ignored and overlooked; omitted of motherly love entirely. Her mother only put food on the table (rarely even that). Lee didn't eat as much as she should have been. She figured it'd save money. Then maybe her mom would be happy with her in some twisted way. She tried to convince herself that it would keep her healthy.

It wasn't super convincing.

She unpacked her things into her empty room. It was so empty. Desolate. Starting to feel quite lonely (and a bit sad), she laid on her bed and put her headphones in. She turned up the volume as high as it would go. She told herself that if the music was loud enough, it would drown out her feelings. It was true to an extent, but it was just storing them away to be brought back up another time. 

But for now, she closed her eyes, and sunk into the unclothed mattress.


	2. This Is Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no summary for you hehehe srry im lazy anyways-

Her first day at her new high school. What a fucking nightmare. To the average new student, the day might not have been that bad. What's the worst thing that could happen?

The teacher introducing you to the class. That's what. The teacher's droning seemed to never end as she stood at the front of the classroom, and she was getting quite a few stares because she was a new student (and she was literally standing at the front of the class). With social anxiety, even a couple kids looking at you can feel like everyone is looking at you. But everyone literally fucking was. 

Lee nervously dug her nails into her palm. She bit down on her lip hard. Finally he addressed why she was standing there. "Class, we have a new student. Introduce yourself," he said in a monotone voice. 

She was panicking. No, panicking would be a massive understatement. She was going absolutely ballistic inside. Trying not to have a panic attack, she pushed her nails further into the palm of her hand. She took a deep breath and said quietly "Hi." Her eyes darted around the classroom. Find something to distract yourself. Her line of vision landed directly on a curly haired boy a couple meters away. She looked away and faced her vision down. No more awkward eye contact. 

"Um.. I'm L-Lee Leighton Richards." She jammed her nails into her hand as hard as she could. Stupid fuck, you fucking stuttered. What the fuck are you, seven years old? She could feel the blood start to drip from her hand. 

She turned to face to the teacher. "Can I sit down now?" she asked hurriedly, eager to not be the center of attention, to which he nodded, gesturing to a seat towards the back. Fine by me, she thought. Hopefully no one will look at me.

Her wish had been denied. The kid who she made eye contact with earlier. He had spared a few glances her way, making her feel insecure. She immediately forgot about her bleeding hand, now focused on the curly headed boy.

Thoughts raced through her mind, ricocheting off the imaginary walls inside her brain. Why's he looking at me? He keeps looking over here. Is he even looking at me? What if he's looking at a person behind me? I want to look but I'm not going to turn around because what if I make eye contact? They'll definitely notice if I turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. God dammit- he's looking over here again. What the hell? Does he think I don't notice? Should I wave wave? Fuck it-

Lee broke away from her thoughts, raised her hand to about the same level as her face, and waved. He smiled in return, then seemed to notice something, and gave a confused stare. Oh shit tits. He was looking at her hand, semi dry blood, the deeper of the wounds still bleeding freely, but covered by her sleeve for the most part. 

She pulled her hand away immediately. She averted her gaze to the board, in an attempt to make him stop looking at her. She watched him from her peripherals.

Stop looking at me... Please dear god, stop fucking looking at me kid! With that, he turned towards the board in a sort of robot looking manor. Thank fucking christ.

After they left that class, she kept an eye out for the curly haired mystery boy.

It seems she has one other class with him. Lee sits all the way in the back right corner. He sits further left, towards the front. Huh. He keeps turning around to look at that boy- Ohhh, that's a chick. She's actually beautiful. Ugh. He's making googly eyes at her. He probably likes her. Wait- why should I care? It's my first day. I literally know none of these people. And she's beautiful; no wonder. Anyone could fall in love with those eyes.

She got to see hers eyes completely when the girl looked at Lee with a confused glance glance/glare. Lee smiled awkwardly then turned to face the front of the class.

During lunch, she didn't eat. The shitty school lunch wasn't worth the $3.25, and she didn't bother bringing anything from home. Lee sat at some random ass table in the cafeteria and waited for lunch to end. She spotted the boys curly hair (sadly from behind) so she wasn't able to see his gorgeous face. What the fuck? I don't even know him. I seriously don't even know his name. Stop drooling over him. Calm down. We're calm. We're calm.

I can do this. Get through the first day without a panic attack. Just. Breathe.


	3. Self Hatred and Benadryl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too lazy for this my apologies

Lee had seen the boy with curly hair and the girl with red hair for a few days now. It was nearing the end of the week. Sort of. Is Wednesday almost the end of the week? No, that's the middle of the week, and I'm just an idiot. Anyway, things between them seemed more tense than usual. He seemed to be swooning and she seemed quite annoyed? Guilty? Lee had and acute ability to read people, but the redhead's vibe was totally throwing her off.

Their dynamic was interesting. Lee had been watching them interact (not in a creepy way, more for entertainment purposes). He seemed so... nice. And she seemed like a total bitch. Lee had seen her talking to a tall darker girl the other day. In their interaction, the redhead seemed like the lovesick puppy. But she hadn't seen them together, or even near each other. The annoyed glances tossed across the lunch room. Lee witnessed an awkward exchange between them, their body language speaking for itself. 

She figured something happened between them.

Today wasn't too bad for Lee. Nobody was really staring at her all that much. She occasionally saw someone gawk at her clothes, but that's something she didn't care about.

Lee Leighton Richards was very... individualistic. She dressed how she pleased, and if it weren't for her crippling anxiety, she'd speak her mind too.

When Lee arrived home, she opened the door to see her mother passed out on the couch. 

She sighed. It was nothing too out-of-the-norm. It was just disappointing. Lee just wished she could have a mother who genuinely gave a shit about her well being. Or a father. Alas, she did not know her father.

She shut the television off and made her way up the stairs. Her bedroom was a loft. It thankfully had a bathroom connected to it. Her mother's bedroom was downstairs. She began bandaging her hand and returned to her previous thoughts. I wish my dad would've stayed around. I think I wouldn't have ended up so fucked in the head. I barely know what he looks like, for fucks sake. She's only got one goddamn picture of him. And his name... Dontrell. Kinda weird. Strange. Unique. Seemed like he would've been an interesting guy. She pondered that for another moment, before her attention was yanked away. She heard her mother yelling incoherently up the stairs.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

It must've been when she shut the TV off. Lee knew what was coming, too. The door opened, and her mother's drunken gaze landed on her. I'll skip over the details, for the reader's sake. Let's just put it this way: the next next day, Lee had a busted lip, a slight black eye, and would be bruised on her torso.

Thankfully, her baggy hoodie could cover all the bruising on her middle. It wasn't what she usually wore, but nobody would bat an eyelash. Hell, her own mother barely recognized her existence. Why would anyone else care?

She started thinking.

Why would anyone else notice? Nobody gives a flying fuck about me. Not even my own goddamn mother.

Her mind started slipping back into that dark place without realization.

Nobody cares about me. Nobody cares. I could just off myself and absolutely no one would notice. I think it might better off this way. My mother could be happy. She could fins someone and stop paying for my sorrowful existence. There would be no difference to anyone at school. It just wouldn't matter.

She only realized she was crying when she felt hot tears trickle down her face. Bloody and battered, she fell deeper into her negative headspace. She was alone in the room, of course she was. She had no one.

Nothing and nobody. You have nothing and nobody. You are nothing and a nobody.

Getting a hold of herself, her not wanting to make an irreversible decision with a heavily impaired thought process, Lee chose to go to sleep. 

She changed into her pajamas with the least amount of movement as possible, because it still hurt. Her old baggy t-shirt reaching just past her shorts. Deciding she couldn't manage to fall asleep by her own exhaustion, she took some benadryl she kept in the bottom of her nightstand. She only took the recommended amount, begrudgingly. 

You won't regret this, she told herself. 

But she did in that moment.

Oh, how badly she longed for her liver to shut down whilst she slept, and pass before she woke. She tried to tell herself that wouldn't solve anything, but felt like she was lying to herself. The benadryl kicked in soon after; the sweet escape of sleep taking over instead of the anxiety fueled overwhelming depressive thoughts.

She slept heavily and had no dreams.


	4. Not Sure How To React

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no <3

Nobody noticed her injuries. The curly haired boy who was apparently named Stanley (she learned from the teacher taking attendance) gave her a few concerned looks but otherwise, seemed to forget her existence altogether. It didn't matter to her. Not really.

At lease, that's what Lee told herself.

Her mother hasn't bothered her. She wondered if her mother even remembered doing it. Beating her own fucking kid. Lee tried to reason with herself that it wasn't child abuse, that her mother had her valid reasons, but Lee could not make a convincing case. She hadn't done anything to deserve that.

It wasn't her fault, either. Even if her own mother was given the most perfect child, she would have loathed and neglected them entirely, same as she had done with Lee. Some people aren't cut out for parenthood. Some people should not have kids. Some people should have their kids taken. Some people should've been on birth control.

If Lee Leighton Richards could've made the choice, she'd have been aborted. She simply wanted to cease to exist. Entirely. And maybe if not that, than at least a different name. God, why'd my mother have to be such a dick about names?

Honestly, she preferred to be called Leo. As boyish as it sounded, she liked it better than Lee Leighton-fucking-Richards. Maybe at this new school she could go by Leo. Fuck, I already introduced myself as Lee. Sucks to suck, I guess.

At least she was an only child. Leo was surprisingly grateful for that. Sometimes, in the middle of being beat, or during the initial shock of being hit so suddenly, she found herself selfishly wishing she wasn't an only child. Her mother's wrath would be divided among the two, and she wouldn't have to endure all of it. But, when she's thinking clearly, she's glad she has no siblings. She would probably tried to protect them, especially from her mother. It's just the type of person Leo was. Is. Has always been? I don't know grammar.

Slipping back to reality, away from random thoughts, and right back into class. They were taking a test. Fun. She couldn't ever think during tests. Her focus was always lost somewhere in between head spaces. 

She watched as the teacher rose from his desk staring intently towards the front row, approaching quietly. The teacher had caught students cheating. Bradley-fucking-Lewis. Leo hadn't been attending Westingtonhouse High School for long, but it didn't take an idiot to figure out that he was a dumbass and a major douche. Sure, he was hot as fuck, but he didn't actually care about anyone but himself. He was cheating off of Dina's test (his own fucking girlfriend) Sounds like a winner. A real keeper.

Of course, the teacher assigned them detention.

Unexpectedly, the fiery redhead she had seen (named Sydney, she also learned from attendance) swore at the teacher, standing up for her friend. Leo had seen the redhead and the darker girl together before. It was painfully obvious to her that the shorter girl was certainly infatuated with Dina. She was also assigned detention.

"Anyone else?" the teacher asked in an extremely loud tone. Leo had to Keep herself from laughing. She knew that teachers only did this bullshit because they have no power to do anything else. Sad, miserable fucks, she thought to herself.

Suddenly, Stanley, with the beautiful bouncy hair, stood abruptly. There was a moment of awkward eye contact between him and the teacher and a few confused glances from the students. He over-aggressively shoved his books off his desk, followed by more awkward eye contact. "M-motherfucker," he stuttered out. "Okay, fine. Detention for you too, Mr. Barber," the teacher barked out.

Leo had to pinch herself from giving him a standing ovation. It was single handedly the cutest thing she had ever witnessed. That is, until she saw what happened next.

Stanley sat back down, turned to face that Sydney girl, and gave a goofy grin and a thumbs up.

To say Leo was flustered would be an understatement. Her heart did a whole ass somersault in her chest. Her stomach filled with butterflies as she tried to refocus on her test.


	5. Forget Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no <3

Friday goes by in a blur; not a whole lot to remember. Well, not a whole lot she wants to remember. Rumors spread about Jenny and Brad, the library looked like a tornado had just gone through it and there were police, but nothing too notable.

Just disappointing.

She watched as Sydney yelled at Stan, essentially telling him to fuck off. Of course Lee felt bad for him. Leo was a very compassionate person. Especially towards Stanley Barber. She watched in envy and disappointment as he got up and asked some random bitch to homecoming. The girl nodded, indicating a yes.

What's her name... Leo racked her brain for the answer. Mar- no that's not right. Murray..? No. Mercedes! Ugh, but she's so fucking b o r i n g .

Leo felt her insides light up with anger, but mostly aimed at herself. Embarrassment was a key factor as well. Embarrassment, because she thought that somebody could ever like her. Because she thought Stanley might like her, when she had never even fucking talked to him. Because she thought it might be possible for him to ask her.

She told herself that she shouldn't care as much as she did. In fact, she shouldn't care at all. She barely knew him, yet she'd already formed a slight emotional attachment to this adorable human being. Tears threatened to breach the barrier of her lower eyelids, threatening to disobey her commands of Do not cry. Do not fucking cry in public.

She carefully wiped her tears with her sleeve as she walked out of the cafeteria. She decided she didn't want to be at school at that moment in time. She couldn't handle it. She felt like she was going to shatter if she didn't get the relief she needed. She walked through the office, right out those doors. 

Nobody tried to stop her.

If anything, that pissed her off all the more. Schools were supposed to "protect" the students in them, but they really couldn't care less about them. It seemed as if nobody even noticed she was gone. Nobody cared.

Leo was clearly upset, and she was starting to spiral. Salty drops now streaming freely down her flushed and lightly freckled cheeks. She was walking in the direction of her house. It was a bit difficult to see; vision blurry from the fat tear drops, but she made it home alright. Part of her wished she hadn't. Part of her wishes she had wandered blindly into traffic.

She walked inside her empty house. Her mother was gone; usually only returned late at night, if at all. Laura worked two jobs to keep the small family afloat (financially).

Leo climbed the stairs in hurry to get to her room; she may have been exhausted, but she needed some relief. She stumbled into her room, seemingly blinded by the mass of tears. She tossed her bag down, then reached for her dresser, where she kept her nine pack of blades. She began to internally argue with herself and her decision making.

I can't handle myself, she thought, pulling her hand away from the sharp objects.

She collapsed against the wall, crumpling into herself. The scene played over and over in her mind: Stanley getting up, asking another girl. She thought about her mother, and her resentment towards Leo. You deserve this, she told herself. She imagined putting the blade to her wrist, digging it in and guiding it down forearm.

She felt all hot in her own skin, as if her insides had been lit on fire. She'd been set ablaze and she was burning alive. She shut her eyes as tight as she could and did her best to let the heat dissolve into the air. Her ears were ringing slightly. The only thing that could be heard was her own heart, beating much faster than it should. Soon it was accompanied by the sound of her hyperventilating.

She opened her eyes, only to become more panicked. While her room lacked decor, all the loose items previously scattered across his dresser and night table, now hovering in the air gravitating towards her, as if she was a magnet.

Her breathing was nearly wheezy; she could feel her throat constricting and her lungs being crushed by the fear in her chest. The fear of herself. She had no idea what the hell was going on. Needing to let out the pent up fear and emotion, she screamed. It came out as more of a broken sob, but a scream nonetheless. 

Everything in her room went flying; her empty water bottle she had previously left on her night table, her small potted cactus, the random clothes that were lying on the floor beforehand, her backpack, which hit the floor with a thud, even her skateboard, which left a dent in the wall.

Okay, I'm really losing my fucking mind. I didn't just do that shit... did I? 

Leo began to question herself, as well as her sanity. She picked up the shit that'd been tossed across the room, quietly mourning her baby cactus, which she did her best to replant. She set an alarm for four hours later. She never timed her depression naps, but she planned on attending Homecoming.

Even if it was bullshit.

Okay, maybe she was a bit of a masochist, because who in their right mind goes to a dance to see their crush with someone? Answer: Leo.

She laid down and tried not to think about what just happened. She was out in a matter of minutes.


	6. Wild Night, To Say The Least

Leo woke up before her alarm, by about three seconds. She shut it off before it could finished the first ring.

She got up and walked directly towards her closet. She may not have had a lot of stuff in her room, but she had already unpacked her clothes. She opened up the left side of the closet, which contained two dresses. One was what looked like a plan black strapless, but had a sheer layer over the top, stars sprinkles over it. She pulled it out of her closet. The other dress was a yellow sundress form eighth grade, so the choice was easy.

She never actually wore makeup, save the occasional concealer to cover up some bruises (like tonight). She had borrowed a couple items from her mothers bathroom. She dripped some eye drops into her eyes in hopes that it would clear up the redness from crying. Now, situated in her beautiful slightly-above-knee-length dress, she applied some mascara. She added blush (though she didn't need it; her cheeks were naturally rosy), and even a little highlighter. She attempted and succeeded at straightening her wavy hair, and was nearly too wild to tame. Random baby hairs were still flying up in the air, annoyingly enough, but she looked past it and continued to get ready.

She slipped on a pair of black on white converse (Leo has never been much of a high heel girl). She didn't bother with a purse, because the dress had pockets, officially making it the best dress ever. She put her phone in her pocket, as well as ten bucks for a ticket.

She started walking to the school, since she didn't live far or have a car. As she exited her house, she looked toward the setting sun, blocked entirely by a moutain. But she admired the colors in the sky. When she was nearing the end of the street, she watched a sandstone colored '78 Ford Fairmont drive down the street. She saw the driver's stupidly cute curls and turned away to face forward. Dear god, she did not want him to stop and ask her if she needed a ride, even if a small part of her did actually want that. The car approached and passed her, and she continued her walk to the school.

After making it to Homecoming, just after dark, Leo wandered inside. She looked around. It was beautifully decorated: loads of fairy lights everywhere. Her mossy green eyes reflected the lights perfectly. Even if she was some irritating loser with social anxiety; in this moment, everything was perfect. All was right in the world.

Of course, that wouldn't last long, considering the type of world we live in. Anyways, she headed towards the snack table, hoping that someone had already spiked the punch. To her luck, someone had already poured half a bottle of vodka into the sticky red juice. She took a drink, cringing slightly at the bitter taste. After she finished her first glass, she decided to "take it easy on the punch". She refilled her cup, only sipping it occasionally. 

Quite honestly, she liked the way it made her feel. Her mind was somewhat fuzzy, and she was well on her way to buzzed. Yes, she was a lightweight.

Eventually, she set her drink down, and made her way to the dance floor. A few guys tried to grind on her, but she moved away casually enough for them not to notice til she was gone. After what seemed like fifteen minutes, but could have very well been hours, the DJ started playing slow songs.

She looked to her left to see Sydney and Dina dancing. It made her feel warm inside, happy that they were happy. Because it definitely was not romantic in the slightest. While Leo did find Sydney stunningly beautiful in the most tomboy-ish way possible, she could never have feelings for her romantically. Something about her was just too familiar. 

A reasonably tall girl approached Leo and asked her if she'd like to dance. Of course she accepted; this was the first time someone had asked for consent before trying to manhandle her. But this was far from manhandling. The girl in front of her, the infamous Jenny Tuffield, was quite sweet towards Leo. Maybe she was so crass that most people didn't see this side of her. Jenny placed her hand on Leo's waist and the other on her shoulder.

"I- I don't know where to put my hands," Leo managed to say. 

"Here," the other said, adjusting Leo's hands so one would be on Jenny's hip, the other meeting her own. She smiled semi-drunkenly up at the girl. She had straight dark brown hair, and wore a dark blue dress and a leather jacket. She had a lot of ear piercings, which Leo admired, but she also hand a few rings, one being a skull. 

In the process of dancing, they Leo ended up facing the other direction, and focused on the lights behind Jenny's shoulder. The bleachers. Someone on the bleachers.

Stanley.

Sitting alone.

She wanted nothing more than to rush over to him, pull him by the hand and slow dance with him.

Stop. You are dancing with a girl. She's pretty and nice to you. Just leave it alone.

The slow dance was cut off by the announcement of homecoming court. Jenny and Leo parted, and Leo offered a smiled as she began walking towards Stanley. Her focus was interrupted by some feedback on the mic and a voice that commanded "Listen up!" She turned back to face the stage, to see non other than the king of dickheads, the one, the only, Bradley fucking Lewis.

"Give me a secon- Give me a second," he said aggressively to Mr. File who was trying too take the microphone.

Leo felt her heart drop, as if she knew already what was to become of this homecoming dance. Tonight was going downhill, fast. Her mind was sort of blurry and she could only form half or three quarters of a thought, and the feeling remained in the pit of her stomach.

More mic feedback. "I would like to take this moment- to talk about something very important, that affects everyone here." Oh yeah. He's drunk for sure. No doubt about it.

"Sydney Novak- hey Sydney, raise your hand. Raise your hand. Give a wave so everyone can see you," he slurred. Heads turned in every direction, confused. Leo, however, knew exactly who she was looking for.

"You see," he started again. "What a lot of people don't know about Sydney here," he pauses and struggles to pull a notebook out of his pocket, then holding it up. "She is one hell of a writer."

Sydney's panic stricken face was all it took for Leo to understand that that book was Sydney's personal diary.

A loud thump could be heard as Bradley jumped from the stage, slowly approaching. "You know, it's- it's funny, because everyone is so fast to call me an asshole," he says while rudely pushing his way through the crowd of people. "But while I was downstairs," he stopped, only to continue, "banging Jenny Tuffield at Ricky's," exclamations filled the room and a few gasps. "Guess what Sydney was doing upstairs," he trailed off.

"She was kissing my girlfriend."

Disapproving murmurs filled the room, and Leo was unable to tell if it was because of the gay or because Bradley was being a complete fucking idiot. Her mind was still foggy and she couldn't decide for herself.

"Now, don't get me wrong; chicks get drunk, they make out sometimes, and I'm all for it." A whistle in the crowd could be heard.

"But being a full on dyke."

That word crashed into Leo's mind, breaking her dreary train of thought. Memories of her past school flooded through her mind; the homophobia, the slurs on the bathroom stalls, the bullying, the "friends", and them beating the shit out of her before she moved. She started to panic as the anger that had been pushed down for years finally began to find its way to the surface.

"That's a whole other ballgame."

"I mean- Syd is fucking in love with Dina. Page after page, it's absolutely pathetic"- "Oh, shut up, Brad," Dina interrupted. He chuckled to himself. "And- my God. Don't even get me started with the daddy issues on this one."

Leo's heart rate picked up. Even in her fuzzy state of mind, she knew him revealing Syd's secrets was something beyond wrong. Her body buzzed with fear.

"Everyone in her life thinks that she's a piece of shit. I mean- everyone," he laughed to himself.

Leo felt someone brush against her, pushing their way to the front. "Hey man, leave her alone!" She watched as Stanley's body fell to the ground in front of her, knocked unconscious by the punch. Her eyes went wide with worry, then shifted her attention to Brad, full of anger.

As Brad continued to walk forward, the crowd was also moving, leaving Stanley's body a bit far off to the right.

"But that, is not even the weirdest thing about Sydney... Novak," his tone threatening to continue. Leo could feel the panic radiating off of Sydney in large waves; the feeling crashing over her and Leo nearly drowning in it.

"Get this: Sydney claims, that she has-"

A surge of energy flowed through her. Her insides lit up in a sickeningly awful way; she could feel her blood boiling in each individual vien.

The moment came and left as quick as a gust of wind, but the energy dissolved into chaos. The room, which had been previously filled with tension, now filled with screams of horror. Blood was everywhere, including the front of everyone's clothes.

Filled with panic, she looks to see the dance attendees running for the exits. She looks to see Dina; a horrified expression as she slowly kneels in front of the headless body. Leo watches as Sydney walks out of the room, covered in blood, eyes wider than goddamn saucers as she walks out of the building slowly, most likely in shock.

Leo stood there, not knowing what to do or where to go. I just fucking killed a guy. She looked over to Stanley, thankful to see him moving again, probably disoriented as hell. She wiped her eyes, cheeks and nose with her sleeve so her face was clear of blood. Sadly, she couldn't brush her teeth at the moment in time, because some of the blood had dripped into her lips, leaving an awful metallic taste. She watched as Stan looked to the diary.

Shit, Syd's diary, she remembered. She ran to the book, bending it to fit in her dress pocket, then offered a hand to Stanley. He looked up at her with a face that could only be described as "What the actual fuck just occurred?"

"I know you're confused, I'll explain in a minute. We have to get Dina out of here," she said with pleading eyes. She noticed his face was already started to bruise. 

Leo ran towards Dina, dragging Stanley with. "Dina, we need to go. Come on." Leo offered her spare hand to her, but only got a sorrowful look in return. "Dina, I'm sorry this happened, but if we don't go now, we are going to be questioned by the police," Stanley tried to convince her. 

"Please," Leo whispered.

Dina's hand wrapped around the extended hand, and they walk-ran toward the exit, Leo in awe of how quick Dina could move in heels. Hand in hand, the three made it out of the building. Some of the initial shock wore off, and they were reasonably calm, until the approaching sirens got louder and louder, opening the flood gates of their minds.

"I can take you guys home," Stanley offered, trying to get them moving. Dina declined, saying she drove and that she needed to take her car back home. They wished her well as she left. 

"Did you walk? I can drive you home," Stanley said to Leo. "That'd be great, thanks." She got into the passenger seat as Stan got in and started the car immediately, trying to get the fuck out of there. Pulling out of the parking lot, careful to avoid the teens running away from the school. "Hey, uh, where do you live?" Stan asked.

"I actually live a bit up the street from you." Her face flushed from her realizing she sounded like a stalker. "I- I've seen you driving before," she clarified.

He laughed quietly, and it seemed quite chill considering what the fuck just happened.

"Hey, I know this is a lot to ask of you, and I'm sorry in advance, but can I go home with you? Like, in an extremely platonic way. Unless that's weird," she rambled nervously. "I- it would mean a lot to me. My mom isn't usually home, and I don't want to be alone after what happened, and even if she is home, she's probably drinking again and she-" she cut herself off, realizing she was oversharing. "Sorry, sorry... Attractive people make me really nervous and I talk a lot when I'm nervous and I'm slightly drunk so could we just go back to your house maybe please?"

She could feel her face burning up to her ears. Luckily, Stan was driving, so he couldn't stare at her for long. They passed a streetlight, and Leo could she the crimson tint on his face. Aww, I made him flustered. 

"You think I'm attractive?" He laughed. "Yes, I do. Stop judging my taste," she giggled. "Cute," was all he responded with.

As they pulled up to the driveway, Stanley said "Thank God." Confused, Leo asked what it was about. "My dad's not home," he said. Leo blushed at her own implication of what that could mean. Realizing how it sounded, Stanley tried hist best to correct himself. "I mean, not because of that reason. My dad's an asshat," he said plainly.

With that, they got out of the car and went inside.


	7. Oops I Did It Again

"So, this is my room," Stanley said, gesturing towards the open door, leading to the basement. Leo eyed him with fake suspicion. "Is this some sort of elaborate way to kidnap me and tie me up in your basement?" she inquired jokingly (for the most part). "Hey, you asked if could stay," he reminded her, tone reassuring her almost as much as his goofy smile. She smiled as she headed down the steps.

The thought hadn't yet crossed her mind about how fucking crazy this situation is. She didn't think about it because she didn't want to think about it. She wanted to act like everything was fine and normal, like she didn't just explode some kid's head. She wanted to live out her boring but semi-normal teenage years like anyone else.

That's when she realized all at once what danger she could be in, as well as anyone near her.

All of the anxiety about her abusive mother, about her non-existent father, as well as all the shit from her homophobic ex-friends was filling her mind. She couldn't just suppress this shit all the time. It was literally fucking exhausting and emotionally draining. She couldn't hear anything but the thoughts racing around in her mind, as well as the buzzing that would not stop. All of this shit pounded into her head, over and over.

Leo pushed herself against the wall (near the stairs, she luckily had not fallen) and sank to the floor. "Hey, hey hey.." Stanley placed his hand on her cheek comfortingly. She didn't even realize she'd been crying. "Everything is going to be fine. You're safe," he spoke softly, attempting to console her. It almost worked, too. She could've calmed down if she focused hard enough on his voice; if it would have been enough to ground her to reality.

"This is a panic attack. You are okay. What can I do to help?" She placed her hands over her eyes, not wanted to be seen, flushed with embarrassment. She pushed her eyes so hard she was seeing bizarre patterns in her eyelids. 

She was angry. She really didn't have anyone to be angry at, besides herself.

How could I let this happen? Do I have fucking superpowers? This is the type of shit I'd kill for as a kid, but I don't want them anymore. Please, someone take this shit from me. I don't fucking want them.

She pulled her hands from her eyes, trying to shove down the embarrassment, as well as the rage. Instead, putting her head between her knees, and wrapping her arms around her legs, as if she were holding herself together (literally and mentally).

"Hey, sweetheart, it's okay. You're okay," he said, trying to get her back to a more stable frame of mind. 

Years of being told 'You'r just being dramatic,' or 'You're just exaggerating' pushed their way into her head, and its all she could think about. She squeezed her eyes shut as hard as she could, and shakily exhaled.

A stack of comics and books flew off the coffee table, as well as two mugs. Only one shattered.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-" her sniffles interrupted her speaking. "I should go," she tried to excuse herself.

He grabbed her hand as she stood. Leo turned and looked at him with desperation in her eyes so prominent he could almost feel it. "It's okay. We can figure this out. Together," he spoke slowly, punctuating the statement by squeezing her hand reassuringly. "No one should have to deal with this alone."

"Please... Don't tell anyone. You won't, right?" she pleaded quietly. He tilted his head as his eyebrows drew together with sincerity. "Of course not. I wouldn't ever say anything."

She stepped away from the stairs as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in her shoulder. His arms snaked around her waist as he held her close. It might've been strange to anyone else, holding someone you barely knew, but sometimes you just need to be held, and they were both strange so it didn't matter. It seemed like the least of their worries at this point in time.

"You probably think I'm a freak," she laughed out of fear. He loosened his grip so he could look her in the eyes. "That's alright with me. Now I'm not the only one," and he kissed her forehead.

And, he would never fess up to what he was thinking at that time, because it'd be embarrassing as shit. He would never tell her how amazingly beautiful she was when she cried. How when her eyes were a little red and puffy and glossed over with tears, that they appeared a more vibrant green than he had ever seen. And how maybe, even covered in tears and dried blood, he still wanted to hold her and kiss her and make her feel better.

And it definitely wasn't a platonic thing, because 'fuck that' he thought. But he knew he'd never tell her because he didn't want to hurt her. Or maybe he didn't want to get hurt. 

The world is full of maybes, and here's another:

Maybe one day he'd tell her.


	8. Coconut Shampoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know why i separated these chapters since its all the same night or whatever but bare with me i have no idea what the fuck was going on in my head when i wrote these. sorry for short chapters idk why tf i spread them out like that lmao

After they unattached themselves from each other, they were a little blushy and awkward, because who wouldn't be. They just smiled at each other and stared for a little while longer.

Leo broke the stare because her anxiety can never give her a goddamn break. "Hey, um- would you mind if I used your shower?" she asked hopefully. "It's just that I was kinda... right there when it happened, and dried blood in very uncomfortable."

There wasn't a wall that divided the bathroom from his room, 'cus it was sorta one big room. He realized how that could be weird, but he nodded. "Yeah, of course. Do you want me to wait upstairs?"

"No, you can stay down here. You've already done so much- I don't want to kick your out of your own room."

"It wouldn't be a big deal, really. I don't want to invade your privacy."

"I promise you, it's not a big deal. I'd-" she sighed. "I'd honestly feel better if you stayed down here. I don't like being alone." She averted her eyes out of embarrassment. "I'll shower quick, I'll be out in a few minutes. I wouldn't wanna waste your hot water." Stanley could barely hold back a grin at that. She's thoughtful. And considerate, and really, really, pretty. Jesus Christ, am I- No. not this quick Stan.

"Sorry to ask, but can I get a towel by chance?" she asked shyly. "Oh yeah, right. I'll be right back." She stood patiently (albeit, awkwardly) while waiting for the return of Stanley Barber. Figuring it'd make the most sense to start undressing then, that's what she did.

She removed her black converse; the white rubber marbled with dried blood and shoelaces now a color she definitely couldn't return to it's greyish white. Leo slid off her socks and tucked them into her dirtied sneakers. 

She swept her shoulder length hair to the right in an attempt to find the zipper. Eventually, she was able to unzip it far enough to reach with another hand (to unzip it all the way). Now unzipped completely, she removed her arms from the sleeves and slipped the top half of her torso out of the semi-constricting dress. (And yes folks, her bra was still on, ya nasty).

"Hey Lee, here's a towel," he said while coming down the steps while she was half naked (sort of). "I- thanks, but it's Leo. I prefer Leo." Her looked to her and realized she was indeed partially undressed. "Oh god, sorry. I didn't realize you- Sorry Leo." She uncovered her chest, feeling slightly less insecure for no apparent reason. "It's my bad. But it's not a big deal, I mean, it's pretty much the same as a bathing suit," she said in an attempt to make it less awkward. "Okay, I'm gonna shower now," she smiled. "Yeah, I'll just be- chillin'," he said as nonchalant as he could muster.

She stepped into the bathroom area, smiled at him, and shut the curtain. After undressing completely, she folded her clothes and set them to the side. 

She turned on the water, not warm enough for her liking but not cold enough for her to want to turn it up. He's letting me stay the night, the least I can do is not use his hot water. After stepping in and shutting the shower curtain, she stood directly under the stream of water. After her hair was wet, she looked to the bottles on the built-in shelf. Coconut shampoo. Coconut Conditioner. At least this boy knows how to take care of his hair, she thought.

She washed her hair, enjoying the scented shampoo and conditioner, trying not to think about how she was still covered in Bradley Lewis's blood. After cleaning her face, trying to get the makeup off, she washed her body with the Irish Spring soap bar, making sure there was no blood left on her. In total, her shower only lasted eight minutes, but to her it seemed like forever, so she felt guilty.

She gently dried her hair then wrapped the towel around her chest as it did it's best to cover the rest of her body. Leo made sure to keep her arms pressed against the towel, not trying to risk him seeing one of her scars. She opened the curtain into the room and stepped out a little bit. She could see Stan reorganizing his comics into a neat pile, which she had previously made a mess of. "Hey, Stan?" He looked over to Leo and focused on her legs. Clearing her throat, she regained his attention. "Do you have spare pajamas or anything similar?"

He went into what she could only assume was a closet. The light flicked on and she went to stand m=by the door while trying not to shiver. Her usually pink lips were shaded slightly blue after the cold shower. "Uhh, how do you feel about sweatpants? Also, would boxers work for underwear?"

A bright smiled flashed across her face and she responded. "Boxers are honestly better than panties, so...." she stuck our her hand. He handed her grey sweatpants, maroon boxers, as well as a black shirt with a logo on the front.

"What the fuck does Bloodwitch mean?" she asked and displayed the shirt. He stopped rummaging through the drawers (which he was doing to find his own pjs) and stared at her straight in the eyes."You've never heard of Bloodwitch?" She bit her lip as she shook her head no.

Immediately he walked over to his record player and got out a vinyl. He carefully placed the needle on this large disc. "You listen to this while I shower, and after you can tell me what you think. This is some of the best music you'll ever hear," he claimed with confidence. Leo held in her laughter, not wanting to hurt his feelings. 

Once the shower was running, and he was presumably in, she removed her towel and put on the t-shirt. It was Stanley's, so it wasn't that much bigger, but it was bigger than her clothes, considering he was over half a foot taller. She slipped into the boxers and sweatpants and looked around while she listened to Bloodwitch.

Leo picked up the shards of the coffee mug, which in her panicked state, she had flung across the room. She only got one cut, and it was barely a scratch. She dumped the glass in a trash bin, and then began picking up his laundry and tossing it in a laundry basket. She could hear him singing along to Bloodwitch, which was admittedly, pretty fantastic. It was calming. Domestic, even. 

Remembering his bruising cheek, and that stupid fuck-face who did it to him, she quickly ran upstairs to find an ice pack. She found the fridge, got a cup of water and the ice pack. She returned downstairs and sat on the couch, just in time to hear the water shut off.

She took a drink of the water, being dehydrated and all, and waited for Stanley. She checked her phone, but there were no new notifications. Leo knew her mom didn't care about her, but it still hurt.

Distracted by the curtain opening, she looked up and saw a very clean and cute (and shirtless) Stanley Barber step out. Goddamn, he looks good in sweatpants Leo thought to herself.

He combed through his hair then turned to offer Leo the comb. "Thank you," she said while getting up to go brush her hair. "Also, I grabbed an ice pack. It's for your-" she brushed her hand against her face, as if she had a bruise forming. "Thanks," he said as he pressed it to his face, wincing slightly.

Stanley could not get over how cute she looked in his clothes. 

Forever and Never was playing in the background, and he couldn't care less, because he could only focus his attention on Leo and how utterly adorable she was. The song was a slow, gentle rock song. It was perfect in that moment. But being a teenager with raging hormones, he also thought she was incredibly hot. 

Basically, he could see her nipples through the t-shirt. We aren't going into detail.

Satisfied with how thoroughly her hair was brushed, she set down the comb and turned to face Stanley."I just wanted to say I am super grateful for you letting me stay here. I definitely owe you," she smiled. "I mean- what an honor, to be able to spend the night with the one and only Stanley Barber. This is truly better than winning the lottery," she looked him in the eyes.

That's when she realized how close they were standing, since he was behind her while she was brushed her hair. Not wanting to make things weird by kissing him (though she really wanted to), she cupped his face in her hand, stood on her toes, and kissed him on the forehead.

"You're a real sweetheart, you know that?" Stanley, who was surprised by the kiss (more like lack thereof) and smiled goofily at her. "You're welcome anytime."

In an attempt to fill in the awkward silence, Stan asked "So... wanna smoke?"


	9. Weed and Cuddles

"I've um- I've never actually done this before," she confessed, nervous while watching him light a joint. Fear and excitement were evoked at the sight before her.

"Really? You seem like the stoner type to me," he laughed softly. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked half-jokingly, half-defensively. "Oh, nothing bad." She rolled her eyes and watched as he took a hit.

He grinned and looked over at Leo, and she watched as the smoke exited through his nose. He offered the joint to her. She bit her lip and looked at him, awaiting some sort of directions. "All you have to do, is put it between your lips, and inhale," he lazily instructed her. Doing as he said, she could feel a soft burning feeling growing in her chest as her mind went a little fuzzy. She coughed a little, but it turned into a laugh. 

After passing it back and forth for quite a while, laying on the ground, smoking it til there was nothing left to smoke, they ended up on the couch, which turned out to be a futon. 

"Watch," Stanley said, as he extended the sofa, turning into its bed form. "Holy shit. How the fuck did you do that?" she asked with bewildered amazement. "I, am a magician," he said cockily. He laid on the now-bed and she followed. Stan on his back, Leo resting her her head and her arms on his chest while her body layered his. It could've been from the weed, or maybe it was because these dorks were definitely crushing on each other, but they were both blushing like crazy.

"Lift up your head," she whined while trying to slide a pillow under it. "What are you doing?" - "I can't see your stupidly cute face when you lay flat. I can only see your chin, and it's nice and all, but I enjoy staring at your face more," she sloppily ranted. "Can't argue with that," he laughed. Within seconds, she was able to see his face again, and the smile returned to hers.

"Better?"

"Much better."

He smiled at her antics. "Boop," she whispered as she bounced her finger lightly off the tip of his nose. He half snorted and tilted his head back in amusement. When he looked back at her, they realized how close their lips were (again lmao). Their eyes met and Leo pulled herself bu=y the collar of his shirt and their lips connected. It may have been slow and a little sloppy, but maybe the weed played a part in how nice it felt.

It wasn't like fireworks, like she had heard it previously described. It was like a warm tingly buzz that started at her mouth and traveled through her body. It didn't last that long before she pulled away just to look at him.

"Sorry, was that the right thing to do on my part?" The sincerity of which he asked made it all the more adorable. "It was definitely what I was hoping for," her words slurred slightly together.

Her eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier with each second that passed, and her body felt awfully droopy. Bordering on aroused, she kissed him once more and apologized. "I'm really tired, so I'm gonna sleep on you. Sorry if you wanted to do more kissing," she spoke quietly as she curled up on his chest. "If you need to get up, feel free to toss me on the floor," she said while wrapping her leg around his.

He kissed the top of her head and sighed into her hair. Perfectly content in the moment, he wrapped his arm around her and simply basked in the warm glowy feeling that engulfed the room.

She fell asleep with his hand in her hair and listening to his heartbeat.


	10. The Talk

Leo startled awake, mind reeling as her body tried to catch up with her panic, nearly falling off the bed. "Shit, are you okay?" Stanley asked from underneath her. She calmed a bit just from seeing him, then blushed seeing their position: Leo laying right over the top of him, her body against his, faces inches apart.

Memories of last night rush through her head. Kissing, to be specific. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a nightmare," her voice faded to a whisper; all gears in her brain coming to a screeching halt as she stared into his eyes. Studying them quite closely now, she noticed how they weren't brown as she had previously thought, but closer to hazel. Somewhere in between.

He wiggled his eyebrows goofily, then lifted himself so their lips connected. It was pretty amazing, she couldn't deny. It was a little awkward at first, teeth clashing a bit in addition to morning breath, but eventually falling in unison with one another. Her hands cupping his face as his tangled with her semi-curly hair. After a bit, they flipped over, Leo now being the one underneath. His kisses traveled past her jaw, landing on her neck, tickling her slightly and triggering a giggle.

She let him continue, though there was a feeling eating away at her, wanting to scream Stop even though Stanley had done nothing wrong. So she kept quiet, trying not to be bothered by it. Her breathing picked up, this time not from arousal, but panic. She bit her lip, stifling a sob. She brought her hands up and placed them on either side of his face, bringing his eyes up to meet hers.

"I don't want to have sex with you."

A small bit of hurt flashed across his face, but was overridden with concern. "Leo, I-I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?" he asked, sitting up. "No! No, it has nothing to do with you. I didn't mean never, because of course I wanna have sex with you, I just mean not right now. I mean, I've never had sex before, I just- Sorry, I have bad anxiety and sometimes I get panic attacks; it's not on purpose and I'm sorry. Jesus, I'm saying a lot of things right now-" He cut off her nervous rambling with a chaste kiss. 

"You're fine. I'm glad you said something. Promise me you'll always tell me if you're uncomfortable, okay? I don't ever wanna make you feel like that." She smiled at that, before an unreadable emotion washed over her face.

"I- I think we need to talk about what happened. Last night. At Homecoming," she specified. "Oh shit. Yeah, I forgot about that."

She looked at him with genuine confusion. "Why are you being so calm about this weird shit?"

He averted his line of vision away from her. Shit. Can I tell her about Syd? I promised I wouldn't say anything... But the circumstances have changed. So would it be okay? "Why are you so quiet?" Suddenly, her confusion was replaced with fear. "Please tell me you're not gonna tell anyone. You said you wouldn't," her voice cracked as her eyes welled up with tears of desperation. "No! I just don't know how to explain anything." "That gives me no context whatsoever," she laughed and wiped her tears away. "I have to check with someone first," he said, trying not to give anything away.

"O- Okay... On an unrelated note, we should probably check up on Dina. She seemed really traumatized because of... well, you know. What I did," she admitted shamefully. "And Sydney, too. Also since, well, I have her diary."

"Great idea." Thank fuck. It woulda been really suspicious if I just brought up Sydney out of the blue he thought. "Do you know what Bradley was talking about? Just before I," she made a little exploding gesture with her hand. I know he was talking about something in her diary, but I wouldn't wanna invade her privacy by reading it." Stan shifted his eyes, feeling guilty. Should I just tell her everything? No, I have to ask Sydney first.

Stanley pulled out his phone and attempted to call Sydney while he paced behind the couch/futon/bed. It rang once, twice, three times, four and five before going to voicemail. "H-Hey Syd. I wanted to check on you since last night was kinda... Wild," he said. He looked over to make sure Leo wasn't listening. She wasn't; she was scrolling through social media, seeing post after post of the aftermath of Homecoming. "Listen, there's been a slight complication... I'd have to explain in person, so call me back when you get a chance," he whispered into the phone.

Stan stuffs his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants. He peers over Leo's shoulder. Revisiting the sight of the blood was not something comforting. "Why are you looking at that shit?" He said, leaning over the couch, his face nearly on her shoulder. "Someone caught it on video. It's trending on twitter," she said and looked up at him. "Under the tag Mindblowing," she grimaced. "You should probably call Dina, too," she turned her head and realized how close they were. "Hi," she whispered breathlessly, not knowing what to say. "Hi," he grinned at her. "I like your natural hair. Very fluffy," he complimented her. "Thank you." His face was pretty much sideways to hers, and he leaned in to kiss her.

She did her best not to smile, not wanting to ruin it by clashing her teeth against his. After a little bit of this unique way of kissing, he crawled back over the couch. Now, both were sitting cross legged, her hands holding his face while his were on the back of her neck. Leo moved her left hand down, towards his pants. From Stan's point of view, this seems sexual. He pulled away slightly. "Is this okay?" he asked. "Very," she said before pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Hey Siri, call Dina," she said while smirking at him. "Wow, very misleading," he laughed (at himself).

She pecked his lips once more before waiting for Dina to pick up. It only took two rings before her voice was coming through the speaker. "Hey Stanley, what do you need?" she asked with a hint of annoyance, sounding super tired. "Hey Dina, it's Leo and Stan, and we just wanted to check on you. Are you okay?" Leo questioned as sweet as she could muster. A drawn out silence seemed to last forever, accompanied by Stan and Leo's exchanged glances as they awaited Dina's response.

"How- How could that even happen?" Dina asked quietly. "I mean, how was that even possible?" 

"I'm not sure," Leo answered quite honestly. "Do you need any company? I know you guys don't know me well, but I just want to help." "Thanks, but I think I want to be alone right now... To think on things. I appreciate the gesture. I've gotta go."

"Bye Dina," both Leo and Stan said. 

"Do you want to call Sydney?" Leo asked after hanging up. "Tried. Straight to voicemail." There was an awkward pause in the conversation. "You wanna listen to music?" he offered, to which she nodded her head. He crossed the room to the record player. Before he could place the needle on the vinyl, Leo spoke.

"I didn't mean to kill him."

He turned his head as the needle landed on the large disc a bit more abruptly than intended. "It wasn't intentional. I could feel her panic," she said while staring intently at the wall and not at Stan. "It just... Happened. I felt it everywhere. it's like the inside of my body was on fire and I couldn't control it," she finished as tears fell once again from her green eyes. He rushed over to hold her in an attempt to make her feel better. "Sorry I'm being such a crybaby. I just don't ever talk about serious stuff to anyone else," she forced a laugh. 

"There's no reason to apologize. You can tell me anything."

Taking a few deep breaths, she moved so that she was laying on top of him again. "I don't feel bad about it, though." That was enough to catch his attention. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, he was a shitty person. I know I probably should feel bad, but I just don't. I only feel bad because of how it made other people feel." "Well, that's good. You're not a sociopath," he joked. "I don't think anyone is going to miss him. I think they'll be sad, but not necessarily because he's gone." "Thanks, Stanley. Okie, less talking, more kisses," she said cutely as she exaggeratedly puckered her lips.

They went back to making out, well, because it felt nice and neither of them had anywhere to be.


	11. Smoking Is My Only Hobby

It seemed odd, almost funny in a way, how they could talk about murder (accidental, albeit) and go right back to kissing as if nothing bad had even happened. While in the middle of making out with Stanley, she pulls away with sudden curiosity.

"Do you think it feels different to kiss if you're high?" she asks in a similar manner to an impatient small child. "We kissed last night," he responded. "Well, yeah, but I don't remember what it felt like. Can we... do it again?" she pleaded with puppy dog eyes. "Jesus, why are you so polite?" he laughs, only half to himself. Not sure if it was a yes or no, Leo's brow furrowed with confusion. "Of course we can, you goof," he pecks her lips once more. "You have to let me up though."

"Oh, right." She scrambled to get off of him. He grabbed the small tin container and pulled out a joint. "would you like to do the honors?" he offered, passing it to Leo. She held it between her lips as he lit it. She took a relatively deep hit and motioned for him to come forward. He leaned forward, and as they locked lips, she slowly exhaled the smoke into his mouth.

As he pulled away, joint now in his hand, he laughed quietly. "What?" she giggled. "Nothing, it's jus' that shotgunning seems pretty professional for a newbie."

"I seen it in a movie once. I know things... jus' 'cause I haven't done them doesn't mean I don't know how to... Like sex, for example. I know how that works," she laughs to herself, and tries not to think about the fact that she literally just admitted to being a virgin. Stanley just stares at her face, not wanting to look away, so he indulges a bit more as he smokes. 

Wanting more, she leaned over. He held her face in his palm, and the other brought the joint to her mouth. Something about the way she stared up at him; it was too seductive to be unintentional. She blew the smoke out of her mouth slowly.

She knew exactly what she was doing, too. When he pulled his hand to his mouth, she, rolled over so she'd be laying in his lap. He took this as an invitation to lay back against the arm of the couch.

"I like smoking with you," she said while looking to the ceiling. "I like touching you when we smoke. Makes me feel all tingly." His free hand carding through her hair. "Me too," he said, while offering her another ~puff puff~. Tilting her head upward to attach her lips to it, Stanley spoke again. "Wanna hear about my shitty ass homecoming date?" he asked while holding back laughter. "Stanley Barber, I would love nothing more."

"Marijuana is a gateway drug," he said in his impression of a female voice. "So I asked what comes next, as you would. She said," he pauses to muffle his laughter. "Mushrooms, the MDMA, then cocaine, then crack, then heroine, then gasoline (huffing it), then death." By the end of the re enactment, Leo is nearly pissing herself from laughter.

"Do you wanna play a game? It's a lot funner when you're high," he asked. "Everything is funner when you're high, dingus. Absolutely."

After a bit of maneuvering positions, they end up with legs tossed over the arms of the couch, heads together, opposite each other.

"So, do you wanna play truth or dare? Or-"

"Not truth or dare. You have to move around for dares, and now I'm all comfy," she said, running her hand through his hair.

"Fair enough. How about 'would you rather'?" he said with a wide grin. She nodded her head and motioned for him to hand her the weeeeeeeeeeeed. 

"Would you rather, have baby arms for a year, or a baby head for a year?"

"Dear god Stanley, what the fuck?" she nearly cackled. "You sir, are fucking insane."

"Stop avoiding the question!" He tried to yell, but there was nothing sour behind it.

"Uh, baby head, because babies are cute, and I could still have functioning arms, you dork."

After that, the questions become increasingly heavier regarding topic.

"Would you rather," Leo began, pausing to smoke. "Be in love, or have all the money you could ever want," she finished, smoke escaping her lips. He let out a deep sigh before answering. 

"Love. What about you?"

"I'm not sure," she almost laughed. "I think most people love the concept of it. And for me specifically, I think it'd be nice to be in love, and to be loved, but I'm not sure if I'm capable of it..."

"Capable of what?"

"Being loved."

"Of course you are, dummy," he said, turning to face her. She stayed looking at the ceiling. "I like you already, and I've only known you for like, a day," he chuckled at the strange fondness that statement held. 

"I like you a lot." She turned to face him, nearly touching lips (they were that close together). "I like you a lot too," she kisses him softly. She offered him the last drag, and then placed it in the ash tray which was conveniently located on the table. "Your turn," she whispered into his mouth.

"Would you rather, be a jellyfish or an eagle." (Real original, Stanley. Sure haven't heard that one before.)

"Jellyfish, no questions asked." 

"Finally, someone agrees with me!" Leo nearly snorted at his outburst. "What's your reasoning?" he questioned. "Well, birds are cool I guess, but they are all feather-y and shit, and eagles aren't all colorful, like a parrot. Jellyfish are cool, and they swim forever, and they do all that without brains or bones. And some glow in the dark. Isn't that insane?" she spoke with passion, with a genuine love for this creature. 

"I wish I could swim." "Do you mean all day like jellyfish? Or like, in general?" "In general." He sat up, "You don't know how to swim?" "Hey! You aren't allowed to make fun of me," she defended herself. "And no... I don't know how to swim," she added quietly as she laid back down.

"Would you rather, say everything on your mind, or never speak again?" Leo asked, gauging his answer, and deciding whether or not she would ask her next question. "Uh, always speak my mind, duh," he said, matter of factly. "Oh? Why's that?"

"I don't think I could survive never being able to speak again, and I could just be a super upfront person, and if someone didn't like it? Who fuckin' cares?"

"Well, I'm so glad you have the confidence for that. I think I'd rather never speak again. Too many secrets."

"Oooo, secrets. I wanna hear," he said, while poking her side. She laughed and declined. "But you really should speak your mind. You have wonderful opinions," he laughed.

"I have another question," she said with worry. "No, fuck you! One question per turn cheater," Stanley teased. "It's literally impossible to cheat in this game, dumbass."

"Okay, would you rather, be able to do stuff with your mind, like me, but not be able to control it, like me," she hesitated before saying the other choice. "Or, be dead." 

"Jeez, that got dark," he joked, not actually joking.

She turned onto her side so she could face him, her head resting on her arm. He turned his body towards her as well. She sighed and looked at him, but not directly in the eye."Because- well... It's a lot to handle. I guess I've sorta been," she couldn't even say it, while looking at him, so she looked away. She took a deep breath and started over. "I've been having these... dark thoughts," she laughed out, though there was nothing humorous about it. Stanley's face turned into concern; he noticed something.

He noticed how she was looking at him: like she wasn't all there, as if she was trying to block out the emotion behind every loaded question. He noticed how her eyes were red from more than just weed. He saw the tears in her eyes, and the pain behind them.

"What kind of thoughts do you mean?" he asked, full of worry. He sat up, and she did the same. She adjusted herself until she was situated in his lap, arms around his neck to hold him close. "I don't know... Just- Bad ones. Like I shouldn't be here anymore. Like I'm not worth anything," she spoke into his shoulder, barely holding back tears. "I can-- with one hundred percent certainty-- tell you that you are worth so much," he said with a softness in his voice that made her heart ache.

"What other kinds of thoughts?" he pressed for more. "Stuff like, I should hurt myself... Or worse- You know. And shit I know, like how I shouldn't have been born, and how I'm a mistake my mother regrets every day. And they're always there in the back of my mind. And sometimes, it's all I can think about," she sniffled. 

"I would pick to stay alive," he said firmly.


	12. "I'm Sorry"

TW for child abuse and body and slut shaming <3

-

It was Saturday, and the bowling alley opened at 11 am, and it might have slipped Stanley's mind, given the traumatic event that happened not even 24 hours ago. He looked over to the alarm clock, it reading 10:49 in blocky orange numbers. "Fuck," he said, genuinely disappointed this had to be cut short. "What's up?" Leo asked, lifting her head to look at him. "I am so sorry. I forgot I had work. Can you get up?" She quickly got off his chest and watched as he rushed around the room. "Where do you work?"

He attempted to tug on his dusty-rose colored button up, before pulling it off to unbutton the top button. "Bowling Alley," he answered, successfully putting his shirt on. He quickly swapped his sweatpants for some loose jeans, and tossed on some sneakers. "Do you want me to drive you home?" he offered. "No, I can walk; I'm just down the street," she said as she lazily stuffed her feet into her converse. "I'll return the clothes later, yeah? And maybe I'll come visit you today," she suggested. "I'd love that," he said as he extended a hand. She looked up at him and placed her hand in his.

Leo grabbed her dirty dress on the way out. They walked up the stairs together, and she kissed him when he left. She waved as he drove away, and she started the short walk back to her house. 

She twisted the knob of the front door, only to find it locked. Leo made her way around the back, thankfully unlocked. Once inside, she trudged upstairs and threw her dress into the laundry basket. Kicking off her shoes, she flopped onto her bed to rethink the events of the day, as well as the night before.

She went into her bathroom and brushed her teeth and hair, and stared at the mirror for a while. She noticed one or two hickeys on her neck: faint, but noticeable. 

Feeling quite hungry, she went back downstairs to get a snack. Opening the fridge, disgusted by the amount of TV dinners compared to actual food, she grabbed a water bottle and closed it. Resorting to the cupboards, seeing chips, but deciding on fruit snacks, simply because they were less calories.

Bored, she wandered the house --which was quite small-- while eating her bunny shaped fruit snacks, Ending up in the living room, seeing her mom on the couch. It was as if she never left that trashy piece of furniture. Her mother's eyes shot open at the creak of the floor board.

"Where have you been?!" she shrieked.

Leo bolted up the stairs and into her room.

Her mother stuck her arm in the door before she could shut it properly. Leo sat against the door as her mother kicked the door and her hand grasped for any part of her. Not wanting to have a big-ass hole in her door, she quickly crawled away from the door and her mother burst in, eyes falling to the discarded food. "God, you're such a pig," her mother berated. She picked up the nearly empty package of fruit snacks. "These are basically candy. Could you have picked anything more fattening?"

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as her mother's gaze landed back on her. "Who gave you those marks?!" As if she cared. "Whore," her mother commented as she knelt down to get in her face. "As if anyone could ever love you. Nobody could ever love you beside me, understand?"

"You sure have a funny way of showing it." Her mother grabbed her by the collar of her (Stanley's) shirt. "When will you learn your fucking lesson?" she asked, breath hot in her face. The saddest part, was that it did not reek of alcohol; her mother was %100 sober.

She dragged her with her as she stood up, then aggressively shoved her onto the floor again. Even though it was carpet, Leo could still feel the cement underneath as her head was thrust into it. Her mother punched, slapped, and hit her over and over. After a while, Leo's body stopped thrashing under her mom's.

"Why do you make me do this to you?" her mother screeched as she tightly gripped her hands around Leo's throat, repeatedly slamming her head into the ground. "Stop crying. You make this so much more difficult than it needs to be!" Leo's cheeks stained with tears, though at this point she couldn't feel anything. Her brain felt fuzzy, but also like it would explode at any given moment. She couldn't breathe. It's not so bad, she thought. I thought dying would be more painful, quite honestly. Too bad I won't be able to see Stan. 

Laura, finally taking notice to Leo's lack of movement, as well as the purple tint of her face, released her from her grip. "So fucking sensitive," she remarked as she got up to leave the room. "You could always have it worse. Be fucking grateful."

Leo remained on the ground for what could have been hours. She couldn't bring herself to move. 

Eventually, she stumbled to her feet, somehow managing to slip on her shoes. She lumbered towards the bathroom, just making it to the toilet before she barfed her guts out. She grabbed her phone and climbed out of her bedroom window, nearly falling a few times. Pulling up google and typing in 'bowlihg alkey'. She followed the directions and made it to the bowling alley in one piece. Luckily, not a whole lot of people in Brownsville enjoyed bowling at 4:36 in the evening.

She staggered inside, looking around for Stanley. Her vision was so fucked; she was seeing double everything, and her hair was in her face. She ran a hand through her hair in a poor attempt of getting it out of her eyes as she walked over towards the shoe counter. 

Her head was brain was vibrating out of her skull and her body was on fire, except for her toes and fingers, which were extremely cold. "St- anley?" she tried to speak, though it came out more of a croak. She brought her hand to her throat and brushed her fingers along the forming bruises.

Leo reached out on the counter to balance herself, as well as ding the bell and hopefully make her presence known. Her hand smacked lightly onto the counter and she pulled her body to rest on it. "Stanley," she barely whispered. She could see someone behind the counter, her blurred sight confusing it for multiple people.

"Holy shit- are you okay?" he asked, rushing around to the other side of the counter. She could barely even form words, let alone full sentences. "Mom," she said quietly, and grasped her neck. 

"Can you walk?" She raised her hand to do the sorta motion. "Put your arm around my neck," he instructed her. Doing so, he grabbed underneath her thighs and held her to his chest while he walked into the back. He set her down on a beanbag chair that was for employees 'on their break'. He went and grabbed a bottled water and opened it for her.

As she drank slowly he noticed how unfocused her eyes seemed, and how dilated her pupils were. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked while holding up three. "Looks like six, but you don't have six fingers on your left hand," she almost joked, some of her voice audible.

"Fuck, I think you have a concussion."

"Whoops," she said, not really aware of how dire the situation was.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Went home, got snacks, mom woke up, chased me, hurt me, I ran," she slurred out. "My head," she whined.

He quickly got an icepack for her throbbing head. He pressed it gently against her forehead. He took this time to assess how badly she was injured. She was concussed, no doubt about it. Her neck what bruising for sure; in the shape of a hand, too. She had a bloody nose, which he wiped away for her. Her arms had forming bruises from being held down, which he noticed over the white scars trailing up her forearm, as well as some dark lines -- newer -- self harm marks.

His face saddened at that, his mind flashing back to just that morning. "Stuff like- I should hurt myself," the words echoed through his mind.

"Stanny?" she called out to him.. "Yes?"

"I'm really s-sorry."

Don't be sorry. Just stay awake, okay? I'll take you home soon," he said and kissed her hair.


	13. Protection (Not That Kind, You Freak)

After Stanley's work day ended, he drove Leo to her house. Not to drop her off, though.

"What do you need from your room?"

"Toothbrush, hairbrush, pjs, underwear, bra, sweatshirt, and socks. Long socks, if you can find them," she said while counting on her fingers. She's more coherent than she was earlier.

"Your room is the only one upstairs, right?" he double-checked, to which she nodded. "And your mom is not home, correct?" She nodded again. "There's an empty back pack in my closet. You could just toss my stuff in there," she spoke softly.

"Aaaaand how do I get in?" he asked. "Fuck it, I'm coming in with you." Leo attempted to get out of the car, standing, but having to lean on the car door for support. 

"Leo, get back in the car. You can barely walk."

"Yeah, and you can barely navigate my house with vague instructions. I'll be fine. I walked all the way to the bowling alley."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." That being said, she shut the car door and swayed a bit, given the loss of balance. 

"Hey, hey, hey, you literally cannot walk. Just- Get on my back," he said as he lowered himself. She put her arms around his neck (not choking him, of course), and he held her legs up underneath her thighs.

"You good?"

"Yeah, your pretty light," he said. "Now which way do we go?"

Stan trudged to the back door, Leo on his back. She directed him to the back door, which was unlocked as always (because the fucking lock is broken), and he managed to carry her up the stairs. He opened her bedroom door and set her on the edge of her bed. 

She looked to the spot on the floor, where she had laid hours before. You could even see a small bit of blood.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... zoned out I guess."

She got up (still a bit wobbly) and got her backpack out of the closet. She put her necessary clothes in it and headed into the bathroom. She got out a small bag, and put her hairbrush, deodorant, lotion, toothbrush, and ~feminine products~ in it. 

"I'm uh, ready to go." She insisted that she could walk, and Stan insisted on taking her bags, not wanting her to fall down the stairs. She got back in the car, and heard the trunk close with a thud, as she was drifting off to sleep.

Stan drove further up the street to his house, parked and helped her out. He got her on his back, semi-sleeping. He gave her a piggyback ride inside, and set her down on the kitchen counter. "Do you want anything to eat?"

"Not sure if I could hold anything down," she answered honestly. 

"Soup it is."

Stan gave Leo a mug of soup --because she prefers coffee mugs over bowls-- and gave her some saltine crackers. It may have been from a can, but that soup was most definitely made with love. Well- with a microwave, but you get the picture. 

She sipped her chicken noodle soup slowly, watching him eat his much faster than her. She nibbled her crackers, and swallowed heavily when she "drank" a piece of chicken. He waited for her to finish, placing the dishes in the sink. He turned his back to the counter so he was directly between her legs. She slid onto his back, resuming the piggyback ride.

He made his way to his room, going slow down the stairs. "Where do you want to sleep tonight?" he asked the tired girl who was lazily attached to him. Her arm slung over his shoulder pointed to a recliner chair in the corner. 

"You can take a shower is you want, I'm gonna go get your stuff. Don't fall, and if you do, scream," he half joked, before disappearing up the stairs. 

She got herself up and undressed and in the shower, sitting down while she was showering.

After showering, she shut off the water, and slipped when she tried to stand. "Leo are you okay?"

"Shit," she hissed. "Fuck- I'm fine, don't come in."

She helped herself up with the handle in the shower, and got out. She wrapped herself in a towel and stepped out of the curtained bathroom. "You can shower now," she said after a few long seconds of him staring.

While he was in the shower, she put on her own pajamas, careful not to knock her throbbing head. Yes, it still hurt, if you were wondering. Having your head slammed into the floor isn't all that fun. And falling in the shower doesn't help.

She got up to brush her teeth, and use the restroom. By then she was exhausted, and retired to the recliner.

After Stan got out of the shower, she got to watch him get ready for bed. Got to watch him literally naked, but not really because there was a towel around his waist. After he was done and had gotten in his pjs, he kissed her on the forehead. "Will you brush my hair?" she asked quietly. He took the brush from her hand and motioned for her to move to the foot stool of the recliner. He sat behind her, and sat a bit closer than necessary.

He *very* gently ran the brush through her hair; starting at the top and ending when the damp curls passed through the brush. Every small wince and grimace, he noticed. He would brush softer; careful not to hurt her. He noticed that the back of her head was the most sensitive. "How did your mom hurt you?"

Without turning her head, or moving at all, she responded. "How do you mean?"

"When I asked what happened, you said she chased you, and that she hurt you, but you didn't get into specifics."

"Its all kinda fuzzy, but I'll tell you what I remember: I had to have gone through the back door because the front was locked. I think I went upstairs, but I know I had to be downstairs to get my snacks," she thought as hard as she could, trying to remember the events in order.

"My mom yelled at me, I think for not coming home. I ran to my room, and somehow she got in there too, and I just remember her on top of me. She had her hands on my throat and I think she was slamming my head into the floor. But I can't be too sure of it. I didn't have a whole 'lotta oxygen in my brain so I could be recalling it wrong," she said quietly, then placed her hand on her chest as she cleared her throat. It still hurt to speak; there might've been damage to her vocal chords.

It hadn't even been a full day since.

"When do I have to go back...?" she asked, almost hoping the answer would be never, but she knew that wasn't realistic. 

"You can stay as long as you need. But, the standard recovery period for a concussion is at least three days, so there's no negotiation there." His fingers combed through the strand of hair he had just brushed. "I'm not sure when my dad will be home, but if he comes back while you're here, we have two options: hide you and sneak you around, or just tell him your staying here. To be honest, I think he'd be okay with it. He still thinks I'm queer," he would've laughed if it didn't sting a bit.

As he finished brushing her wavy hair --not quite curly, but close-- he stood from the chair, grabbed a blanket and covered her with it. He kissed her on the forehead, shut off the lights, and went to go lay on the couch.

"Where are you going?" Leo couldn't mask the desperation in her voice; the 'please don't leave me like everyone else' tone. It felt like Stan's heart squeezed in his chest, looking to see her eyes big and eyebrows drawn together. 

"I was going to- I was gonna sleep on the couch... I didn't wanna invade your space," he said truthfully. The amount of genuine love she held in her heart for this pure bean (okay, he's not that pure, but he's a good guy) almost hurt.

She lifted her arms in the air and made grabby hands at Stan. He smiled and leaned down to hug her. Leo wrapped her arms around his neck and latched her legs around his waist. "Lay down with me please," she pleaded. 

Giving it no second thought, he slowly lowered himself onto the recliner with her. She wouldn't out right say it, but she was afraid of the dark.

And having someone with her made it all the more bearable to sleep with the lights off.


	14. Headed Right Back Into That Hellhole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was just filler ig idk why it even existed anyways-

Sunday didn't even feel like a day at all.

To Leo, it seemed as if Sunday had unattached itself from the week, and maybe the concept of time as well.

She fell asleep relatively early on Saturday night (with Stanley cuddling her, no less). Sunday had consisted of mostly sleeping, although she got up once or twice to go pee, but other than that, she was a non-functioning human being. Stan was luckily off work, and checked on her periodically, given her Tylenol for her headache. Leo couldn't manage to retain any memories from the day before. 

She was a ghost to the world, and the world was passing by just fine without her. 

Monday morning, Stan woke her gently at 7 o'clock in the morning. "Hey, Leo," he shook her lightly, as if she were something fragile. "Do you think your up to going to school? How do you feel?" She shut her eyes tighter and stretched her arms, causing her elbows to pop. Stanley winced at the noise. "Yeah, I guess so," she said while attempting to stand. 

When she nearly ell backwards, Stan steadied her and insisted on her staying home, but she claimed it was 'cause her center of gravity was all sorts of fucked from laying sideways in the Lay-Z-boy.

They both began to get ready (Stan keeping an eye on Leo, making sure she was actually okay). He combed through his curls as she brushed through hers, and they brushed their teeth at the same time, which felt oddly domestic. Stan gave her an ibuprofen before attacking the day, which she was grateful for. He dressed in his iconic beige trousers, as well as a dark green sweater. Feeling lazy, Leo tossed on her big ass hoodie, and a pair of Stan's basketball shorts (which he's never worn). She tossed on her sneakers and as she did, she realized she didn't have her backpack. "Fuck."

"What? What's wrong?" his voice full of worry. "I forgot my stupid fucking school backpack." Stan smiled, a bit relieved. "That's okay, we can just swing by and get it."

They left Stanley's house and drove down a few blocks to Leo's house. He waited in the parked car because she insisted she could get her bag herself. She went in through the back door and quickly made her way up the stairs.

Once in her room, she grabbed her backpack, as well as a couple other items. She grabbed two jackets (one of which she planned on wearing that day specifically), her white Doc Martens (which she had stolen the summer prior), and some button ups, all of which she had left behind while trying to escape, and forgotten about when she had come back to get basic necessities. 

Deciding quickly on a warmer outfit, she put on her JAWS graphic tee because it was blue and soft, as well as her favorite charcoal ripped jeans. She put on long red socks and slid her sneakers back on. Leo pulled her thick grey flannel jacket onto her body and grabbed her things. She rushed back to the car, thinking she had taken to long, and grabbed her skateboard on the way out. She tossed her stuff in the back and hopped into the passenger seat. "Just a few things I forgot," she fidgeted nervously.

"What's the skateboard for?" he asked curiously as he shifted the car into gear. "Well, when I have to leave for school, my mom's either asleep on the couch or at work already, so I had to get myself to school," she tried to explain but it sounded more defensive. "And walking gets old pretty quick."

"Okay, one: you definitely have to teach me how to skateboard, and two: I can take you to school, so don't worry about that. Let's get going then, shall we?" he said in a futile attempt to make her laugh. 

All of a sudden, it clicked in her head what she was missing.

She leaned down in her seat and cuffed her jeans.


	15. My Fucking Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally have no idea why i posted so many chapters like why didnt i just put them together wtf anyways have fun reading

They pulled into the school parking lot at exactly 7:54 am. Leo took a quick look in the mirror --which was oh so conveniently attached to the sun visor-- to see her bruised neck. She rolled up her sleeves to see her arms patterned with an assortment of colors, but mostly red, purple and black. She pushed on one part of her left wrist, because who doesn't press bruises. She hissed quietly at the pressure.

"Hey, stop that," Stanley said with his eyebrows drawn together. "Relax, everyone does it. I mean, you get a bruise, it's kind of expected for you to press on it,' she defended. He sighed before getting out of the car, heading to open the passenger door for her. As he stepped out, she pulled her backpack over her shoulder and tucked her phone into her back pocket.

The hallways were eerily quiet. Nobody really had anything to say to each other, and if they did, would it even be appropriate considering the circumstances? Kids simply stood at their lockers silently or wandered. Stan looked back to see an anxious Leo.

"It's fine, nobody knows. You are okay," he whispered quietly. She took a deep breath and followed Stanley, who was of course, heading directly to Sydney's locker.

When they arrived, Sydney was digging books out of her backpack and stuffing them into her locker. "Hey Syd," Stan said in an attempt to initiate conversation.

No response.

Once she finally closed her locker, she looked in their direction. Leo noticed the bags under her eyes. She looked exhausted. She looked depressed as fuck.

Her earbud's volume was so high, you could her it if you were standing anywhere near her, but not loud enough for you to tell what she was listening to. Her eyes didn't meet Stan's or Leo's. Syd's eyes went directly through them; eyes glazed over and seemingly reddened. "Sydney, what's wrong?" Leo asked her, trying to get through to her.

Sydney turned around and started to walk in the other direction, as if that whole exchange didn't just happen. Stanley grabbed her arm a tad more aggressive than he meant to. She whipped around to face him with tears in her eyes, "What the fuck do you want?" she asked harshly, voice quivering. Leo turned around at the sound of rattling; barely noticeable, but growing louder. 

Leo could feel the pressure in her head building. It started slow, like when you have a stuffed up nose when you're sick and you try to sniffle. Her head began to throb, and it felt like a pain similar to a migraine. Then it felt like two hands trying to crush her head between them. She brought her hand to the side of her head and shut her eyes tight. She stuck her other hand out to find the wall of lockers, and sat against them.

"Shit," she breathed out. Her head hurt like a bitch and it would not stop.

The row of lockers Leo was leaning against slammed open, jabbing her in the back and forcing her further into the hall.

"Fuck, are you okay?" Stanley asked, the sudden noise drawing his attention back to her. The headache faded, but Leo noticed her nose was dripping blood, and pooling beside her where she was leaning over. 

She looked up to see Sydney staring at her angrily, then her eyes widened with surprise before her face turned back to the emotionless expression.

Sydney walked off.

Leo turned and point to the lockers that were open behind her. "Was that my fault? I- I got a headache and then that happened, and my nose is bleeding-- Shit, that really was my fault," she said, on the verge of tears, but also lightheaded. "What am I, fuckin' Eleven? This isn't Stranger Things, what the fuck," she tried to laugh. Her mind was kind of fuzzy again and she wiped tears from her eyes.

"No, that-" he sighs. "That wasn't you." With one hand he held her face up, and with the other, he wiped the blood away, and wiping it on his dark green sweater. It wasn't that noticeable, but it would definitely stain.

The bell rang loudly. Leo winced and shut her eyes. 

"You want me to take you to class?" Stan offered. "Yes please."

-

After a few classes, Sydney, Stanley, Dina and Leo were back in the human science class --the same class where the first three got detention and Leo sat and watched, entertained.

Most people in the class were looking to the empty seat up front-- Bradley's. Sydney's head was down, and everyone was quiet. Everyone had been quiet and (reasonably) well behaved all day.

Mr. File stood from hid desk and asked for everyone's attention. "listen up everyone. There is an assembly in the gym. Leave your bags and phones in the rooms= and follow me," he directed as he walked towards the classroom door.

Leo tucked her phone in her back pocket, because fuck the rules. She walked past Syd, over to Stanley and brushed up against his side. He looked down to her, then shifted his eyes to Sydney. He knew what caused Leo's nosebleed. She still had that blank expression on her face.

The group of students stuck to their classes as they all sat down on the bleachers.

"As we all know, Mr. Bradley Lewis is no longer with us, Mr. Whitaker spoke. "We do not know what caused his death, but it was a tragedy and we will be investigating. The family is in the process of getting an autopsy, and if you know anything that might help the investigation, please let the office staff know."

Leo looked down the row to see Sydney's shoulders tense, but her head lowered. They were on the back row of the bleachers. Dina was in the row in front of them, stifling her cries. Syd brought her head up to look at the gym floor, her eyes focused on the darkened stain on the basketball court.

"This event has struck a chord with many students here, especially the ones who witnessed it; I will be in the administration office if anyone needs to talk. This would be a good opportunity to stick together in our school community," Mrs. Cappriotti spoke slowly, as if the students were preschoolers.

Ugh. Shut up. That's bullshit. Oh, an "opportunity". He's dead. Fuck off. Leo thought to herself.

As Mrs. Cappriotti droned on about "feelings" and "opening up", Leo's focus shifted from the dried gum on the bleachers over to Sydney. She noticed her breathing picking up, her body nearly vibrating. There was nobody sitting between her and Leo, just some empty space.

Sydney's feet stomped down on the bleachers, but no one took notice (besides Leo and Stan) because the basketball hoop hanging from the ceiling shattered. Dina startled in her seat. Leo looked at Stanley with wide terrified eyes, again wondering, was that me? 

Not really knowing what to do about these bizarre events, the vice principle dismissed everybody back to class, and directed them out the far door, away from the glass.

Stanley dashed off to go try and talk to Sydney as Leo's mind reeled.

Was that Sydney? No, that would be impossible. Like, actually fucking impossible. I'm the only freak here. Why and how did I do that? I didn't even feel anything.

That was most definitely not Leo, but she was unwilling to accept that information as true.

She continued to convince herself that it was in fact caused by herself.


	16. Figuring Shit Out

Stanley needed Leo and Sydney at his house after school. They definitely needed to discuss this shit. Otherwise, there might be some repeats of what happened in the gym... Today and during homecoming.

Unfortunately, Sydney wasn't really in the mood to talk. She was on autopilot; a mere shell of who she was four days ago. Stanley didn't know if Syd had talked to Dina since, but he assumed not, because Dina is the best at consoling her and she was still a mess.

Fortunately for Stan, he shared sixth period with Sydney, so she couldn't escape him too easily.

Right before class ended, he texted Leo. Meet me at Mrs. Laski's class when the bell ring. Very important.

okay?? ill be there she responded.

As soon as the bell rang, Sydney was out of her seat and headed out the door. "Sydney! Syd!" he called after her. She turned around with a pissed off expression. "What, Stan. What do you want?"

He took a deep breath. "I need you to come to my house. I have incredibly valuable information that you need to know as soon as we are in a private place," he said while looking around, saying the last bit quieter. "Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, face not changing. "No, I'm fucking not. This information could alter your current perception, as well as affect our lives from here one out... So let's go." As soon as he walked out the door, he saw Leo round the corner. He motioned for her to follow along.

Sydney and Leo reached Stan's car. After attempting to open the door only to find the handle locked, Syd huffed and turned to realize that it was not just her and Stan. "What's she doing here," she asked, clearly irritated by Leo's presence. "I'll explain when we get to my house. We all have shit to discuss. For now, just trust me," he said as he unlocked the car.

Leo sat in the back with the stuff she had grabbed from her house that morning. She didn't want to make Syd sit back there, especially since she felt it would cause more issues.

They pulled into his driveway and walked up the steps, Leo staying silent and staying behind the two. At last, they made it into Stanley's basement/bedroom. "Where should we sit?" Leo asked quietly as she set her bag down. Stanley moved to sit on the floor, so they followed.

Leo's heart was racing. She didn't know what this was about and she knew Sydney didn't like her. This left her with nothing but anxiety.

"Okay- I'm really not sure how to start this..." he said, fidgeting nervously. "Both of you, separately, made me promise to keep a secret for you." Sydney's eyes widened, and Leo's would've as well, but they were already open at max capacity. "Stan.." Sydney said, her tone low and warning. "Look, it wouldn't make sense to keep these secrets from the other. This is the only option that makes sense," he rambled slightly, trying to justify his words.

Leo's breathing picked up as she tried not to panic. Her mind was in a frenzy of pure panic.

"Sydney, that night at homecoming," he started. "You didn't do that to Brad. That was Leo." Sydney's facial expression contorted into a number of things, ranging from disbelief to relief. Leo on the other hand, was trying not to cry and pretty damn focused on not throwing up.

"What the hell are you talking about, Stan?" Syd questioned. Leo failed at stifling a sob, causing them to look at her. She shoved her finger between her teeth, tucked her legs together and wrapped her arms around them and shut her eyes tight. "Leo, it's fine," Sydney said in a voice so soft you would've thought it was Dina speaking.

"Stan you promised me," Leo whimpered as tears streaked her face.

"Okay, I know you're mad at him but I see why he had to do this..." Sydney spoke to Leo. "Stanley, please explain. I'm still really confused and now I feel like shit," Leo said to Stan.

"Sydney can d-"

"It's fine Stan, let me tell her." She spoke with a certainty that Leo had no clue where it came from. "Basically, I can do shit with my mind, and I guess you can too."

"what are you talking about?"

"Well, if it helps you understand or makes you feel any better, I made a bunch of shit levitate in my room, accidentally killed my brother's hedgehog, left a huge crack in my bedroom wall, knocked a bunch of shit off the shelves at the convenience store, nearly killed Stanley with some bowling balls; do you remember what happened to the library? Yeah, that was me. And up until now, I thought I killed Bradley, however I did give Brad a bloody nose... Oh shit, I'm sorry for earlier," Sydney said as she remembered what she had done earlier that day.

"My nose bleed- that was you?" Leo asked out of sheer curiosity. "Yeah, sorry," Sydney said sheepishly.

"No- no, that- that's pretty bad ass," Leo almost laughed. It wasn't funny but, to be fair, she was pretty lightheaded. Sydney looked to Stan, then back to Leo. "Definitely not the response I was expecting," Stanley said with a grin.

"So, I've confessed my sins to the priest; now, what've you done with your "abilities"? I'm feeling a bit guilty, so, lay 'em on me," Sydney spoke a bit more enthusiastic then you could expect form her.

"That- that thing you said, about stuff floating? I did that, but all the stuff was coming towards me... It was actually really scary... Anyway, so there's that, I guess I killed Brad, I made knocked a bunch of shit off Stanley's coffee table. I'm not sure if that's it... I cant remember right now."

"But why are you being nice all of a sudden?" Leo asked.

"I guess it's just nice to know that I'm not the only one. I now have someone to share this burden with," Sydney told her.

"Okay, now that we've got that figured out, Sydney," Stanley spoke directly to her. "Where were you this weekend? You didn't answer your phone once and-" All his words blurred together for Syd. Her eyes focused on the ground and her breathing quickened as she returned to that empty state she was in.

"Sydney? Are you okay? You look sick."

And that took her back.


	17. I'll Be Seeing You

Took her back that night.

Syd climbed the steps of the staircase that was so steep it almost seemed like a ladder. Her feet dragged along, feeling like her whole existence caused an inconvenience to herself.

I didn't mean to. I just wanted him to stop talking... That's all. Maybe I'll just... run away or something. Hide somewhere, where no one else can find me.

Ever.

I think I finally understand how lonely my dad must have felt.

She ran her hand along the splintering wood. She thought about how, in some ways, she and the wood are pretty similar.

Breaking apart, hurting anyone we touch.

While looking over the railing, she briefly contemplated jumping. The railing would do little to nothing to prevent her from doing so, just like everyone else in her life.

Nobody would even care.

She peered over the edge, wondering if a fall from this height would be enough to die upon impact. She heard a crackling noise behind her.

Sydney whipped her head around to watch a tall man in a cloak materialize before her eyes. The primal fear that was triggered in her was something scarier than words can express. Just thoughts of "I fucking knew it. I knew someone was stalking me" followed by "Holy fuck, I am actually going to die."

"Who are you?" she asked, voice shaking. She held the wood rail to stop herself from collapsing.

"Should I be afraid?" she questioned since her original question was not given an answer.

"They should be afraid. Let's begin."

"Begin? What the fuck are you talking about?" she inquired, genuinely confused and over compensating for her fear with being too aggressive.

"Ah, a little spitfire, I see. Just like your father," he nearly chuckled.

"What do you know about my dad?" Sydney was almost yelling, fueled by anger and confusion. This rando, acting as if he knew her father and her too. "Who the fuck are you?"

"That is none of your concern as of right now, seeing as I could easily overpower you," he said swiftly. His voice was deep and a bit hoarse, but he spoke smoothly and with ease.

"Well, it seems as if that is my concern right now, so explain," she commanded him.

He laughed, as if her attempt to appear intimidating was purely entertaining for him.

"I have greater power than you could ever even fucking handle," Syd challenged.

"Oh really? Because as far as I remember, you can't even handle the gift you have been given. So don't act like you're so brave. I remember how scared you'd get."

Not wanting to cower and prove his point, she stood taller and looked at him with contempt.

Well, that proved to be a mistake, because with a flick of his fingers, she was tossed back into the railing that she had previously been grasping so desperately for support.

Am I seeing shit?

She questioned her own sanity since she had just watched a blue shaded orb float from his fingers and attack her, which was a bit too bizarre to handle.

I have to be cracked the fuck out or something, because none of this makes any sense.

"I hope you understand what I have been working toward. This road has been long and I do not plan on letting your incompetence get in the way. I am trying to help you-"

"And what is that," she interrupted, almost wheezing because of the air that was knocked out of her after being thrusted against a thick wooden beam. "What is it you're working towards?"

"Well, the same thing I tried to do with your father," he explained condescendingly. "But he was too weak to be helped," he spat, as if each word left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"And what exactly do you get out of helping him or me?" she asked while gritting her teeth, partially because she was fucking livid, and partially from the pain of trying to stand while he approached. 

"I think I'll have to set it in motion before I give you all the details, dear. Can't have you fucking it up, like your father," he spoke sourly and cupped her face in his hands.

He squeezed her face in his palm, enough to make it hurt a bit. She grimaced as he whispered loudly in her ear: "But for now, I have business to attend to. I'll be seeing you." And with that, disappeared into thin air.

She officially collapsed onto the rotting wooden boards underneath her, sobs tearing themselves out of her, so much so that she began to shake.

After an unhealthy amount of uncontrollable shaking, she pulled herself up and slowly lowered herself down the steps.

Once down, she heard the terrifying, gut-wrenching scream of a women, not too far away. Sydney quite literally jumped out of her skin. The screeching continued as she tried to make her way home.

The sound only seemed to follow her.

Eventually the sound seemed to be right behind her. She turned around as quick as humanly possible, to be greeted by a mountain lion-- midair; fucking launching itself at her. Her hand flew up and her powers instinctively protected her. 

There she stood, covered in (mostly) dry blood, in the woods, mountain lion suspended midair by her powers.

Syd twisted her hand a bit to the right, snapping its neck. She watched the body hit the floor, then continued home in a daze.

She walked in the door, the only one in the house awake at this hour. She walked upstairs and straight into the bathroom.

Turning on the shower nozzle, not even waiting for it to heat up or take her clothes off, she stepped into the shower.

She just sat there.

She watched the red water slowly fade into more of an orange as there was less blood to be washed down the drain. It didn't matter how long she sat there; she still could not wrap her mind around it.

During the shower, she stripper herself bare, and took a shower like normal.

Once she was done, she shut off the shower and stepped onto the cold linoleum. She wrapped herself in a towel and looked in the mirror and just stared for a bit.

She could tell the feeling was building up inside of her, and instead of shattering the mirror as you assume she would, she burst into tears.

She fell asleep that way; lying on the bathroom floor, tear stained face, only covered by a towel, asking herself

Why me?


	18. Wine & Truth Telling

"Sydney. Sydney," Stan called to her. Leo didn't because she felt like she didn't know her well enough.

Sydney snapped out of it quickly, breathing heavily.

It had only been about 30 seconds to them, but for Sydney it was as if she was reliving the night. Stan and Leo had waited a bit for her to zone back in on her own but it was obvious they had to say something. 

"Are you okay?"

She closed her eyes and collected herself. "Y-yeah, I'm alright," she assured them. "Okay, as I was saying," Stanley continued. "We didn't hear back from you all weekend. It's fine if you don't want to tell us about... whatever. Any-who, I think it'd make the most sense if you guys got to know each other, maybe even for you to spend the night at Syd's?"

Sydney looked at him confused as to why the fuck he would offer her place. His eyes shifted over to Leo for a split second, hoping that Syd would understand it without him having to explain.

"Um- yeah, okay I guess that would be okay," Syd stated, but it sounded more like a question.

"Do you guys want me to drive you?" Stan offered.

"It's fine, we can walk," Sydney said.

Leo hugged Stanley and kissed him on the cheek before leaving, earning a weird glance from Syd. Leo grabbed her bag before heading upstairs.

As they began heading down the street, Syd asked: "Sooo, what's the deal between you and Stan?" Leo reddened at the question. "I just think he's really, really sweet."

"Jesus, you better be careful; You're practically swooning," she teased. 

"Am not!" Leo playfully defended.

"Come on," Syd pressed. "GiRl TaLk, between you and me. What's up with you two?"

"I stayed the night at his house after homecoming," she blurted out. 

Sydney's jaw practically hit the floor. "I did not have sex with him, I swear to god," Leo clarified.

"He's not a bad guy to fall for, ya know?" Sydney making sure she understood, not wanted Stanley to get rejected and friend-zoned twice. But to her, Leo seemed too sweet to do something like that. To anyone. And Leo was quite nice to Syd, and they had only officially met that day.

The two girls blended quite well, actually. It seemed as if they had known each other the entirety of their lives. They just had some sort of bond.

Connected.

"Okay, moving on," Sydney laughed. "Which neighborhood do you live in?"

"Actually this one. If we kept walking down this street a bit, my house would be on the left," Leo said while gesturing vaguely in that direction.

"Then why didn't you go home after Homecoming?"

Leo's shoulders tensed at the question. Just the small reminder of the previous incident was enough to make her head throb. She laughed nervously.

"Can I be honest with you? Like, you won't tell anybody, right?"

"Yeah! I mean- no, I won't say anything... Do you not want Stan to know? Or," she dragged out the or. "No, Stanley knows, I just mean like, don't say anything to anyone else," Leo explained.

"The only other person who talks to me is Dina and- well, she hasn't been talking to me as of recently."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is Dina the tall one? Pretty and curly hair?" To which Sydney nodded. "She's beautiful; I can see why you feel the way you do."

"What are you talking about? How do you know about that?" Syd questioned defensively.

"Uh- homecoming. Plus, it's not that hard to tell. I have a magnificent gaydar," Leo told her matter-of-factly.

"Right..." Just being reminded of the fact that she was outed to literally everyone made her shudder.

"I- uh, I'm not straight either. I'm bisexual. It's when you like boys and girls," Leo told her to hopefully make her feel less awkward.

"I used to think that too, but I think I might be lesbian... I don't know. Labels stress me out," Sydney responded.

"Well, then that's one more thing we have in common. Okay sorry, my ADHD head-ass derailed the previous conversation," Leo apologized. "I can't go home because of my mom. I mean- technically speaking, I can go home, in the sense that yes it would be possibly but it would be dangerous."

"Why is that?"

"My mom is a violent drunk, and gives me beatings on the regular; usually without cause. On Saturday, I went home and she nearly killed me. Stanley says I got a concussion," she says casually.

"Wow. I'm really sorry. How come you're so relaxed about all this?"

"It's just a fact of life. It only gets me emotional right after it happens. It's just," she spoke softly. "History."

"Well, what about your dad? Doesn't he do anything to stop it?" To which Leo only laughed. "Oh, are they divorced? Can't you choose to move into his house?"

"Nope-- didn't get a chance to meet him. He fucked her and left, which is why I assume my mother loathes my existence entirely. I don't know if she ever planned on having kids, but she sure as fuck didn't want me," she said, smiling with tears glistening in her eyes. This was the one topic that never ceases to affect her.

"Sorry," she sniffled. "I have a tendency to overshare."

"Don't be sorry. It's alright. We should probably be oversharing with everything since now we're in this together. And we need to know why you and me both have these powers."

"Okay, so what about your parents? Are they still together?" Leo asked curiously.

Sydney got quiet.

"Oh... did something happen? You don't have to talk about it if-"

"It's fine, I just," she exhaled deeply. "My dad killed himself last year and it- it's been pretty difficult since."

"I am really sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

The uncomfortable silence remained until they got through the front door.

"Hey Sydney." Leo could only assume that was Sydney's mother called from the kitchen. "I'm taking your brother to a friends house, I have to work late again. Karen's dog passed away," her voice carried over from the kitchen. Her mother walked around the corner to see not one, but two faces looking back at her.

"Oh! Hello, jeez that scared me," she laughed in a way that Leo hadn't ever heard from her mother. The warmness in her voice would've been enough to light up the entirety of Leo's dark upbringing. Leo smiled back.

"Hi, I'm Leo," she extended her hand. Her sudden need to be loved by this parental figure overrode the anxiety that usually controls her life.

She needed her validation.

"How polite," Syd's mother complimented as she shook her hand. "I'm Maggie."

Sydney looked between them. "Uh- mom, Leo is gonna stay over, alright?"

"Okay, well, I won't be home for a long while. Stay out of trouble girls. Liam!" She yelled up the stairs. Liam shuffled down the stairs and passed right by them, not a single glance spared nor one fuck given.

"Nice meeting you Leo," her mom said as she shut the door on her way out.

Sydney's face had What the fuck written on it. She rolled her eyes and continued into the kitchen.

Why the hell is she being so friendly towards my mother? Sydney thought.

Oops just kidding, she aCciDeNtLy said it out loud. What a cliche amiright?

"Oh, I-I'm sorry if I crossed a line; I was trying to be polite. I just want her to like me."

"Yeah, but she's my mom. Not yours. It doesn't matter is she likes you or not. You don't have to live with her," Sydney gritted her teeth as she spoke.

Ouch.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I just never got any type of positive attention from my own mother. No affection, just being yelled at and beat," she said the last word with tears in her eyes and anger in her heart.

She plopped herself in the counter and sat waiting for Syd to say something.

"Sorry," Sydney said, still slightly annoyed. "I didn't mean to upset you. We're supposed to get to know each other and I'm just being a dick. The reason I get like that is 'cus my mom isn't very nice to me."

"Does she hurt you too?"

"No-- nothing like your mom does. That honestly makes it sound really stupid in comparison," she half laughed.

"Then don't compare. We have different moms, and we are in different situations; so don't compare. You have the right to feel the way you do. Tell me."

Syd half smiled at her.

"She just," she huffed. "She makes me take care of my brother, and makes me pickup the groceries and do a whole bunch of shit that she should be doing. But we had an argument the other day about it, and it helped me understand that she's just busy and needs help. But she always ends up liking my friends more than me," she confessed. "It's been happening for years and it makes me feel shitty and I just didn't wanna see it happen right in front of me, okay? So let's just drop it."

Leo hung her head down. She sat atop the counter, looking at her shoes, swinging her legs back and forth.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Sydney asked trying to break the tension.

I don't want to intrude Leo thought. I shouldn't-- I'll gain weight and Stanley will think I'm more repulsive than I already am.

"No, I'm not hungry. Thanks."

"Uh-- you want some?" Syd asked while picking up a bottle of her mother's cheap wine.

"Only if you're having some too," she smiled.

~

After going upstairs, they lay horizontally strewn across Syd's bed. 

When Leo took her first drink, she stuck her tongue out and wheezed "It tastes like dirt!" They proceeded to laugh and pass the bottle back and forth. 

"Okay, since we are all loosened up," Leo said, shaking her shoulders wildly. "Let's tell each other secrets," she giggled.

"You go first," Sydney said, wanting to gauge what type of secrets they would be sharing.

" I don't know my real dad." Okay, that's relatively intimate.

"You told me that already, goof," Syd responded, trying to come off lighthearted.

"Okay, umm," she thought as she took another drink. "Oo! I have tried to kill myself nine whole times," she whispered, even though no one else would've heard. "And, I failed. Each and every time. Guess I'm a failure too," she laughed.

Sydney turned her head to look her in the eyes. You couldn't even see the pain, it was disguised so well. All the pain was hidden under layers of lies and glossed over with the effects of the wine.

"But you can't tell anyone, shhhhhh," she said, eyes wide with her fingers held to her lips.

Syd took the bottle and had a big drink.

"I recently found out my dad was a marine," she said, trying to match the intensity of Leo's secret. "He probably killed people, too. And the crazy thing is, during his final deployment, there was an explosion, and it killed everyone but him."

Leo was greatly entertained by the story, eyes looking that of a child's.

"I can't figure out if the explosion gave him his powers or prevented him from dying..."

"Where was he deployed?" Leo asked, completely ignoring the implication that Sydney's father also had powers.

"Not sure."

"What was his name?"

"Donovan. Donovan Novak."

"Ha, that's funny," Leo giggled.

"What's so funny about his name?" Sydney asked defensively.

"According to my mother, that was my daddy's name."

"Wait- you're fucking with me, right?" Sydney asked incredulously.

"What are you on about? It's just a coincidence," Leo laughed.

"I know, but that paired with the fact that we both have powers? I mean, come on, what if Leo? Do you have any photos of your father?"

"Yeah, one, and its hiding in a shoe box because my mom doesn't know how to let things go," she whined.

"Okay, get up. You're taking me to your house and showing me. And on the way, you can tell me everything you know about your parents."

"Ugh, bossy bossy," Leo whined while getting pulled off the bed.

On the way out the door, Syd started asking Leo questions.

"How'd they meet?"

"At a bar or something."

"Why did your dad leave?"

"It was supposed to be a one night stand, and when she asked him to stay, he said he had a pregnant wife at home and that it was a mistake. My mom's cried about it a billion times, said I'm the reason he left, but he didn't even know she was pregnant, so how does that make any sense? Ha! checkmate, mom," Leo rambled.

"Okay Leo, shut up for now," Sydney said seriously as they turned onto Leo's street.

Once they got to her house, Leo told her to stay outside and keep watch while she looked. Leo stumbled through the back door and went straight to her mom's room. She heard a banging on the window (Sydney trying to warn her) and looked out to see her mother's car pulling down the street.

She started sobering up real quick.

Running back into the room, her head was on a swivel, looking around the room as quickly as she physically could. Looking to the vanity; not there. Bedside tables? Also not there.

She heard the car pull into the drive way.

She pulled open the drawers and rummaged through them before slamming them shut again. Leo turned on her phone flashlight and peeked under the bed while trying desperately not to panic. She sawing the shoebox and pulled it out as fast as she could. 

Dark blue plastic covered the cardboard box. She pulled off the lid to see folded papers.

Her birth certificate.

Of course, it wouldn't have fit into the box because of its size, so it was folded in half, as well as a bit crumpled. Ouch. 

Leo heard the keys jingle in the door. 

Fuck. I need to get the fuck out of here before she sees me and I get my ass beat.

She quickly pulled out an old polaroid camera, along with a single photo.

Bingo.

Knowing she got what she came for, she tossed the items back in the box and shoved it back underneath her mother's bed.

She bolted out the back just as her mother was closing the front door.

Leo grabbed Sydney as she ran out of the backyard and back down the street.

When they got back to Syd's house, Leo was wheezing.

"Holy fuck, I thought you weren't gonna make it out of there," Sydney laughed.

"Is this him?" Leo asked and shoved the photo in her face.

"W-what the fuck? When was this photo taken?"

"Nine months before I was born. Around sixteen and a half years ago."

Sydney refused to speak. Maybe she had nothing to say. Maybe the cat got her tongue. Whatever the issue was, she would not say anything.

"So, is that your father?" Leo asked again.

"You," she spat. "Are not my sister." Anger burned in her eyes as she looked up at Leo.

"Why the fuck are you mad at me? What did I fucking do?"

"You brought this into my life! This is your fault. I mean, I thought it was a coincidence, and I had a feeling but I just wanted to be able to prove myself wrong. And now I can't take it back! This is your fault and you were just some mistake who should have never been born!"

"Why are you being like this? This isn't my fault!" Leo sobbed.

She ripped the square of film from Sydney's hands and ran out of the room, completely abandoning her bag.

She ran down the street to Stanley's, to collect her things, not stay the night. She went in the side door, nearly falling down the stairs with tears streaming down her face and crowding her eyes. She grabbed all the shit she had taken from her house.

She stuffed her skateboard into her school backpack and headed home. When she arrived, she barely had the strength to hop the fence. She couldn't go inside since her mother was home, so she collapsed on the shitty playground in her backyard.

She looked at her phone, which was on 19 percent, and looked at the time.

2:08 a.m.


	19. Faces On My Ceiling

The phone rang quite loudly, loud enough to wake Stanley up, who was a reasonably heavy sleeper, hence why he didn't wake up when Leo came to collect her stuff.

He picked up his phone.

Before he could even get in a _Hello?_ or a _Who are you and why are you calling me at two in the morning?_ the person on the other end spoke.

"Stan, it's Sydney." She sounded panicked.

"I fucked up."

"Sydney? What happened? Are you two okay?" His brain forced to wake up faster than usual, he asked the basics of course.

"That's the thing- she's not here. I made her cry and I think she went home."

"You made her cry? _Why?"_

"It wasn't on purpose; I was being an asshole. Stanley, I think me and Leo are half-sisters."

"What the fuck," he exhaled. His tired mind was no where near ready to process this type of information. "How do you know?"

"I was talking about my dad, told her his name. She recognized it and I _guess_ she showed me an old picture of her mom and my dad. I was really upset, Stan."

"So, why'd she end up crying?"

She was hoping he wouldn't ask. 

"Let's just say I said some really fucked up shit in the heat of the moment."

"Sydney, _what_ did you _say_?"

She sighed, knowing there was no point in lying. "I told her that she shouldn't have been born, and that she was a mistake or something, but _that's not what's important right now, Stanley_."

"Okay, uh, lemme call her. I'll call you back," he said in his sleepy voice.

One ring, two, three, then four. Suddenly the ringing stopped, but there was no voicemail that followed.

Nothing but silence from the other end. Then a sniffle.

"Leo? Are you okay?"

She wiped her eyes and put the phone to her ear. "No, I'm not."

"Listen, I just got off the phone with Syd and she said-"

"Why the _fuck_ did you call me? Just go talk to her. I don't feel great right now," she whispered into the microphone. It was really scary to talk on the phone when her mother was at home.

"Leo," he spoke, obviously annoyed.

"What is it, Stanley?"

"I was trying to check up on you, Jesus Christ; You are so frustrating," he said without thinking.

"Wow, thanks, Stanley. I didn't realize I was bothering you. You could've just told me that from the start." She heard some movement downstairs, making her nervous to continue the conversation. "Listen, I've gotta go."

"Go where? It's two in the morning, Leo."

"Sleep," she said, and hung up the phone.

"Hello?" he asked into the empty line. He pulled the phone away from his ear to see the black screen.

_Shit. Way to go, Stan-the-Man._

Leo laid back in her bed and stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. She stared until the darkness started swimming. Disjointed faces and teeth surfacing above her- soon turning into her parents. The parents she never got to know.

She knew that there was more to that little "fling" then her mother told her. She had heard her on the phone, drunk sobbing to an unknown person, about the love life she had stolen from her.

Leo looked at the faces in the ceiling, and remembered the friends she'd made in the ceiling when she was a young child without any. She tried tp recall the faces her eyes had made up to give it personality.

Even the faces in the ceiling treated her poorly. Maybe it's because it's all she knew at that age. But, one face in particular stuck out in her ever fading memories. The only nice face was based off of her third grade teacher, Mrs. McCauley, who was the only person who showed her love during her childhood. She was the only teacher who wasn't annoyed by her hyperactive-ness. She treated her nice, something similar to an aunt.

That was the only ceiling face she liked.

She missed it.

The ceiling continued to swim, and faces spread all over, then melted all into one, before becoming two bodies. The couple swayed, dancing as the ceiling melted, and Leo's mind fell into sleep.


End file.
